The Second Hundred Days
By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO−We know Donald Trump’s priorities for his first one hundred days in office, but I was curious what policies he will push in the second one hundred days. After I proved through ancestry.com that my great grandfather came from the same shtetl as Jared Kushner’s, I interviewed Trump while descending an escalator in Trump Tower. Here is what I learned:
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Although Donald promised to bomb ISIS into oblivion, he is considering Rudi Giuliani’s proposal to dispatch 10,000 suspended NYPD officers to stop and frisk anyone suspected of being members of ISIS in Iraq and Syria.
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Trump is sensitive to allegations that leaving the management of the Trump Organization to his children creates the appearance of a conflict of interest. Consequently, he has devised an alternative to a Blind Trust which he calls a Nearsighted Trust. His kids will still run the business, but investigative reporters will have to look very closely to discern their role.
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His biggest infrastructure project will be building a teleportation system from the White House to Trump Tower so his doesn’t have to spend his evenings slumming in D.C.
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After the deportation of millions of alien felons, Trump will issue an executive order for the arrest and internment of alien Muslims by FEMA. According to Steve Bannon, this will be easy to do since Obama already has created the FEMA concentration camp system.
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Trump will revoke the tax-exempt status of all non-Christian religious institutions by introducing the Pay for Pray Act. Following the example of France, non-Christians will be forbidden from wearing clothing or symbols indicating they are not Christians. As Donald puts it, “It will be safer for them not to be identified as non-Christians if you know what I mean.”
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.