By Joel H. Cohen
NEW YORK — President-elect Donald J. Trump has tweeted that he intends to have a shul built in the White House “to make Judaism great again.”
He said that Judaism “was once a great religion, but had waned during the Obama years. And, if Hillary had been elected President, it would have been a total disaster.”
Trump said he’d planned to call the synagogue “Trump Emmes Temple,” but when he learned that “emmes” meant truth, he was concerned that the “paid protesters” would have had a “field day” with that information. Soe the shul will now be simply Trump Temple.
The President-elect said the idea for the synagogue had come from his daughter Ivanka — “isn’t she something to feast your eyes on?” – and his son-in-law,”the Jewish kid who even Bannon thinks has the right stuff.”
In deference to the couple’s Orthodoxy, men and women will sit separately at services. (“Even Chuck Schumer won’t reach across that aisle,” the President-Elect joked.)
When a reporter mentioned that a popular photo-cartoon showed the President-elect wearing a talliis and saying he wanted to build a beautiful mechitzah and have the women pay for it, Trump said “That’s actually a very good idea. I’ll have Kellyanne start taking up a collection.”
The red coverings of the Ark and the Torah scrolls and the prayer books and skullcaps, Trump said, would all have the legend, “Making Judaism great again.”
Cantors to lead services would come from all over the United States and beyond. “Vladi told me that he would release a couple of outstanding Ukranian cantors, if I would give them travel visas.”
Trump himself will deliver sermons, because, he said.”I know a lot more about the Bible than jive rabbis and prophets, such as Jerky Jeremiah, Sleazy Ezekiel and Hokey Hosea.” His favorite Biblical character, he commented, was Solomon, “a pretty good builder, very, very rich, and with lots and lots of wives.”
Asked whether he would speak about the Ten Commandments,Trump said, “Yes, but not ten. As a very successful businessman, deal-maker and romantic, some of those commandments don’t apply.”
He predicted, “The services in the White House are going to be such an incredible hit, even atheists will be trying to get in. The Secret Service and the D.C. police are going to have to add personnel to control the crowds.”
“Not only are we going to make Judaism great again, we’re going to make it greater than ever.”
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San Diego Jewish World reminds readers who are new to this column that it is all in fun, and nothing above should be taken seriously. Cohen is a freelance writer based in New York.