The following graveside eulogy was delivered by Rabbi Leonard Rosenthal on November 21, 2016 at El Camino Memorial Park in San Diego.
SAN DIEGO — Joseph I. Weiss once wrote, “However short, however long the time given to those who are near to us, strength will be fashioned through the gratitude of our hearts for the blessings of life itself. When the days of life are short, shall we curse the moments of beauty for their brevity, or prize them that they came to us at all? When toll is taken in the middle years, shall we be bitter for the lack of more, or wall our tears with thanksgiving for what has been? When the bridge of three-score and ten has been crossed, shall we be torn with the argument for a longer term, or be grateful for the fullness of the granted time?
“Our sages said that all things might be lost save one: the spirit of gratitude that is ever present in the heart of man. They further said that as long as thanksgiving lasts, the world will endure. The waters of sadness are deep, but they will never extinguish the spark of gratefulness that is fed by man’s inherent recognition of God’s goodness toward him. Let us fan that spark into a flame that will guide us happily into the future.” (Treasury of Comfort)
Gratitude is probably the last emotion any of us would care to feel on a sad day such as this. How are we to feel grateful when someone we loved and cared for has been taken from our midst? How are we to feel appreciation when our hearts are racked by pain and sorrow? When someone we love dies, we are confused, wounded, angry and hurt. About the last emotion we can feel is gratitude.
Yet, if we are able to look beyond our pain even for a few minutes, we can see that even in death there is still much that we can be grateful for. Not, of course, that someone we treasured is not longer with us. Rather, we can be thankful that we had the pleasure and privilege of that person touching our lives.
And so, as we join together today to mourn the passing of Theodore Cashuk who left this world on Friday at the age of 81, we also come together for something greater than shedding our tears and sharing our grief. More importantly, we join together to celebrate Ted’s life, and to acknowledge our gratitude that we were able to learn so much and share so much with him.
As we all know Ted had not been in good health for the last several years. He knew his time was limited so a couple of years ago he came in to see me. He wanted to share with me the story of his life so that I could share it with all who loved him one day. That day sadly has come and so this morning I am going to share with you the story of a beautiful, happy, and well lived life that he told me.
Ted’s mother grew up in Kiev. She attended Kiev Conservatory, which she graduated at the age of 20. The great pianist Vladimir Horowitz lived across the street.
Ted’s father escaped Russia on his own. He went to New York and found work as a clerk, Having become acquainted with someone in the Secretary of State’s office, he was able to return to Russia and bring his love to the States. They married and Ted was born into a loving family.
Most of Ted’s family didn’t survive WWII. His mother’s family was murdered iat Babi Yar. His father had a very large family– 11 brother and sisters. Only one survived. The rest were killed by the Nazis
His mother was a pianist; she taught piano for all of her life. She quickly saw that Ted had musical talent. Started playing piano at 2 years 8 months old. He was a prodigy and quite bright as well. However, the local school wouldn’t accept him to kindergarten because he didn’t speak English. The family only spoke Russian at home.
Happily, he learned English and began first grade on time. He excelled in his studies, but his true love and talent was in making music. He gave his first piano recital in public school.
At age of 8, received Scholarship from Manes School of Music across from Hunter College. He took the subway there himself. He studied with a famous pianist who tried to force him to play “with lemon in hand.” He didn’t tolerate the treatment, and left the program
However, he got another scholarship from WUXR – radio station – from someone who had heard him play. So at age of 11 he went on a scholarship to Juilliard Preparatory school. He took classical piano and composition. He composed as well as played, and he sent compositions to competitions. He was very successful. He stayed at Juilliard until the age of 14. His teachers wanted 4 hours of practice a day. That was too much for Ted; he had other things he wanted to do.
His mother very upset. Ted was wistful when I asked him if he regretted leaving Juilliard. Yes & no. On the one hand, he always wondered if he could have been good enough to become a concert pianist. Talent but not discipline. But on the other hand, until he quit he didn’t know how to handle a basketball or baseball.
After graduation from high school he was accepted to New York University. He saved up his money and went for a year. He thought he wanted to go into medicine but he hated the pre-med program and dropped out.
Next, he got a job with Underwood Corporation. He found he had talent for accounting. Within four months, he became assistant to controller. He stayed there 2 ½ years. He had other jobs, but ultimately he went back to NYU as a business accounting major.
During those years, he served in the US Army Reserve, earning credit for 5 ½ years of active reserve.
In 1958, he met Carol, and after they were married, they moved to Mt Vernon, New York. He worked for a small Jewish CPA firm. Finally, after many years of studies in addition to hard work, he graduated college in 1962. He was Very determined and dedicated.
Carol’s parents had moved to San Diego. When Ted and Carol visited in summer of 1962, Ted got an interview with Sol Price – the Chairman of Board of Fedmart. After 2 ½ months, Ted was offered a position in accounting department. He didn’t know to take it or not. He flipped a coin. He decided to move to San Diego. Ted’s parents were very upset; he was their only child.
Ted worked Fedmart for 3 months. He was extremely talented and accomplished. Ted was called in and told some investors were opening City Bank of SD. Wanted to appoint Ted as controller. Ted jumped. While there Ted passed Cal CPA exam. Eventually however, the bank was sold. After that, he went to work at a friend’s CPA firm for approximately 4 years.
In 1970, he opened his own practice. Two years later he established a partnership with Don Wiseman. It grew successfully until he retired at end of 2009.
Doctors had told Ted & Carol, they couldn’t have children. They adoped Ronald, at age of 2 weeks. Brit was officiated by Rabbi Monroe Levens of Tifereth Israel Synagogue. A year later Carol became pregnant and Jill was born.
Unfortunately, their marriage ended in divorce. But then in In 1987 he married Ella, whom he described as the love of life He had infinite love for Ella. The two did everything together. Loved, cherished, and supported each other. They were married for almost 30 years. Ella is heartbroken. Ella & Ted traveled, taking a 101-day cruise around the world on Queen Mary II on the day after Ted retired.
With Ted, there were no such thing as in-laws or step children. He cherished all of his children, Ronald, Jill married to Michael, z”l, and now Brian, Steven & Alison, Richard & Adrienne, and Andrea, and his grandchildren, Abigail, Rachel, Ben, Aaron, and Mia – who ended up living with Ted & Ella for last 1 ½ years.
Ella’s two sons – Steven & Richard made Ted feel like their dad. Michael and Brian and all the grandchildren adored him. They all called him grandpa. He took them on a lot of family vacations, including an annual outing to Disneyland. They cruised when all were together.
Ted was a stalwart leader of Jewish community. When he first came to San Diego, he joined B’nai Brith, Henry Weinberg Lodge. becoming its President after 4 years. For the next 20 year, he was active in district and national B’nai B’rith affairs. He served as a financial vice president for the District. Ted received the Akiba Award, the highest B’nai B’rith gives for service.
He had been a member of Tifereth Israel Synagogue since 1963, despite having little religious training when young. He served on the board for many years, and gave money to help build our current synagogue building on Cowles Mountain Boulevard. He was financial vice president for 10 years. – and, of course, donated the synagogue’s first 2 pianos – grand & upright, which are still used today; in fact at the Tifereth Israel Community Orchestra (TICO) concert Thursday and Saturday night.
When we were together, I asked Ted what he was most proud of. What were his greatest accomplishments?
He responded:
- Being able to compose piano music
- His very successful CPA firm, giving credit to his partner Don
- Most of all, his wonderful wife, children, grandchildren & family. He loved it when they got together, and felt very lucky everyone lives in SD county
I also asked what the greatest loves of his life were – in addition to family:
- Travel. He organized cruises for groups of friends, and never took a free trip for himself. Instead he spread savings out among all travelers.
- Listening to great classical music at the San Diego Symphony
- Playing basketball untilage 60
- Shooting craps in Las Vegas
- Being a Chargers fan; he had season tickets on the 50 yard line, and a Padres fan.
Asked how he would like to be remembered, Ted responded “As a good person who loved life and sharing life with others.”
This was a very modest desire. I am sure Ted would have been both pleased and embarrassed to know how much more he contributed to those who knew and loved him, and how he inspired so many.
We are sad but grateful that we had Ted in our lives for so many happy, fruitful, and joyous years.
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San Diego Jewish World’s eulogy series is sponsored by Marc and Margaret Cohen in memory of Molly Cohen, and by Inland Industries Group LP in memory of long-time San Diego Jewish community leader Marie (Mrs. Gabriel) Berg. Comments intended for publication in the space below MUST be accompanied by the letter writer’s first and last name and by his/ her city and state of residence (city and country for those outside the United States.)
Ted was my accountant for over 25 years.. Ted was a wonderful man. Rest in Peace Ted.