Humoring the Headlines
By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO−Ben Carson accepted Trump’s nomination of him to be the Secretary of the Department of Housing and Urban Development. Since only two weeks ago, he said he did not feel qualified to hold the position because he lacked government experience, reporters asked him why he changed his mind. Carson answered, “It finally dawned on me that I had as much experience as the President-Elect, and, besides, I can’t wait to play with the Legos.”
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A fake news report that Hillary Clinton runs a child prostitution ring out of Washington D.C. pizzeria prompted a vigilante to fire a rifle inside the restaurant to combat the criminal activity there. How could he believe that story? It would be another matter if it were about Anthony Weiner renting an internet café for the same perverse purpose.
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Donald Trump still believes that he won the popular vote. Imagine how he would react if he realized that Romney received a higher percentage (47.32%) of the popular vote than he did (46.5 %). He’d reinstate the three-fifths rule for African-American descendants of slaves.
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The Army Corps of Engineers decided to reroute the Standing Rock oil pipeline around the water sources and sacred lands of the Sioux tribe. Trump has vowed to either privatize the Corps with one of his own construction companies (it’s OK, it is run by Ivanka) or to sue the Sioux.
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Alexander Van der Bellen of the Green Party beat Norbert Hofer of the far-right Freedom Party in the election for President of Austria. Hofer conceded his defeat and announced the postponement of the Anschluss with Germany until the next presidential election.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.