By Joel H. Cohen
It you’ve ever received any, you know that the no-detail-too-small missives (of interest mainly to grandparents) almost always come from over-achievers. Sometimes the achievements are exaggerations, sometimes they’re imaginary, occasionally real.. For ordinary people like us, the real ones are the most depressing to receive.
While most recipients of the letter have nothing comparable to talk about, the incoming correspondence, usually written by the mother, trumpet her family’s honors, promotions, invitations, exotic trips.
Here’s an example (mythical, but not far from a real one):
The letter-writer — still dieting, still taking karate and mah jongg lessons — is being named her shul Sisterhood’s “Woman of the Year”…her husband is being pressured to accept the presidency, not only of the shul, but also of the Jewish Federation and the Board of Trade, and is trying to narrow down his acceptances to two of the offers…Their seders (32 guests the first night) and their break-fast (26) are still the talk of the community.
It goes on:
Their grandchild said his first word: “NO,” took several steps, and is likely to be the youngest child in day school to be trained… their oldest daughter. who founded and chaired a charity walk to protect endangered gerbils, has been offered scholarships to five major universities, and is leaning toward the one nearest good ski areas.…her brother, though only a freshman, is being named captain of his squash team, but is concerned that the responsibility will take too much time away from his Honor Society duties…they’ve bought him a car, ao he’ll be able to come home more often…their youngest boy, preparing for a trip to Israel, is limiting his conversation to Hebrew, and wants the family to follow suit. At his Bar Mitzvah, he led the whole service including reading the entire Torah portion.
And finally:The family bought a second home in the hills, though Mom prefers the shore, but they wonder if they’ll be able to spend any time in it, with all their traveling and other activities…the whole family enjoyed this summer’s trip-around-the-world, especially attempting to climb one of the Alps. Understandably, they’re having trouble figuring out where to go next year.
Well, good luck to them. But for most of us, that kind of letter is very humbling.
Many years back, a widely syndicated columnist (whose name escapes me) wrote that he’d like to receive a year-ender that would be absolutely true. I can imagine that it would tell about the family’s parking tickets, rehab, bankruptcy, having to repeat a grade, separations, etc..
That would really be too harsh and would amount to taking pleasure in other people’s tsuris and disappointments. But it’s not too much to ask that year-end letter-senders stick to highlights, avoid exaggeration, and exercise enough self-restraint so that the accounts of their achievements don’t depress us under-achievers.
We can only hope.
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Cohen is a freelance writer based in New York.