By Joel H. Cohen
The funny-sad comment rings true for a lot of folks, and not just Italians or grandmothers. Among champion grudge-holders are some of our own people, of all ages and both genders (though men seem to have a shorter attention-span, even for grudges).
Seldom does a grudge begin with something trivial…not for nothing, some would say. as in these true-life examples:
Two women, who knew each other since their teen years or earlier,never spoke for decades after both wore the identical dress to a wedding, One contended the other had bought and worn that dress in full knowledge that the first woman was wearing the identical model to the event..
When they were in each other’s company, say at at a card game, they’d communicate through a third party.
Another woman we know has harbored bad feelings toward another woman for decades — yes, decades — because she did not show sufficient enthusiasm, not enough oohing and aahing, upon meeting the woman’s toddler for the first time.
When it comes to grudges, logic doesn’t seem to apply. For instance:
“They never call us to get together.”
“Do you ever call them?”
“What’s your point?”
And:
“When I had the flu so bad, I was in bed for two weeks, and ..not a card, not even a phone call from her.”
“Wasn’t she in a coma right around then?”
“So?”
Men’s grudges may develop from shul-related matters…an honor not given, or one taken away…a handshake not firm enough…an illness or milestone event not acknowledged.
And, more often than not. when, say, a man wants nothing to do with another (for good cause, of course), the once-cordial relationship of their wives suffers, with at least one of the women not understanding the cause of the coolness between their husbands.
Sometimes, in a lovely display of togetherness, a grudge is shared by a husband and wife, possibly because a couple they socialize with and with whom they split the bill evenly always drink a lot and order the most expensive menu item.
It’s pretty much agreed that holding a grudge hurts only the holder, not the object of the perennial bad feelings, And, in any case, especially in a new year, it would be a mitzvah to do what Cher told Nicholas Cage with a slap in “Moonstruck”– “snap out of it.”
But chances are, if they’re willing to try, they’ll do it …only grudgingly.