‘Just Kidding’: Strumpets to entertain Jewish audiences

By Joel H. Cohen

NEW YORK — President Trump has signed an executive order establishing an all-female singing group– the Ms.Strumpets —  to entertain Jewish audiences. Press secretary Sean Spicer said at a press briefing that it was the first in a series of initiatives aimed at minority groups in  the nation.  The President commented in a tweet: “Asked Bannon. He said, Great idea. Get the Jews first.”

With Harmony as its theme, the “mostly a capella” group will perform at synagogues, sisterhoods and men’s clubs, Hadassah, Brandeis and other Jewish organizations. “Because veterans have been so neglected by past administrations,” Spicer said, “Jewish War Veterans posts will be high priorities for the group’s appearances.”

When a reporter asked whether Administration planners who selected the group’s name were aware that the dictionary definition of “strumpet” was prostitute or promiscuous woman, the press secretary declared, “That’s just one more example of the crooked, biased media putting an unwholesome spin on a very innocent idea. The evil is in the eye of the beholder,” he said, adding that the  “S” in the group’s name stood for “singers.”

The Ms. Strumpets will be headed by Presidential senior adviser Kellyanne Conway, who was present at the briefing. Among other styles, she said, the music will feature alternative rock, as well as alternative lyrics, to make Jewish songs better than ever. That’s a fact.” (One upgrade being considered is to change “Hava Nagila” to “Have 2 Nagilas.”)

Singers in the group will be what she termed “an all-star collection of conservative women, people that even non-Jewish evangelicals will find entertaining.” Among those who either have already accepted invitations to join, or are being asked: Ann Coulter, Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Carly Fiorina and Mary Matalin. It is unknown whether Ivanka Trump Kushner , a convert to Judaism who “would be a great natural asset” for the Ms.Strumpets, will be able to participate, due to family and other obligations, Ms. Conway said.

Because the singing group would not be an official part of the Administration, it will be able to sell CDs, programs, songbooks and T-shirts at concerts.”That means more jobs for music studios, printers, shirt-makers,” Ms. Conway commented. “Win-win for everyone.”

 

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San Diego Jewish World reminds readers who are new to this column that it is all in fun, and nothing above should be taken seriously.  Cohen is a freelance writer based in New York.