Humoring the headlines: February 13, 2017

By Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO−In a perfect world:

Kellyanne Conway, Sean Spicer, and President Trump would be wired to a polygraph whenever they made public statements.
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Ruth Bader Ginsburg would be immortal.
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Israel wouldn’t legitimize many formerly illegal settlements the day after it disbands one.
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Three Republican senators would have voted against Betsy DeVos
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A German court would not rule that setting a synagogue on fire is an excusable expression of anti-Israel sentiment.                                                                                       *
Ancestry.com will discover that Donald Trump’s ancestors entered the United States illegally.
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Any god who claims to be omnipotent and omniscient would be gender neutral.                                                                                                            *                                  *
Breitbart.com would have to change its website address to Spiteheart.con                 *
The next oil pipeline in the United States will be built under a wealthy white gated community.
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Elizabeth Warren will be elected the first woman president of the United States and Melissa McCarthy will be her running mate.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com   San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.