By Joel H. Cohen
NEW YORK — President Trump is planning an “updated” seder, whose ancient writings will be modernized, and in which journalists and present and former staff members will play key roles
Among those slated to ask the Four Questions are correspondents from Fox News, Breitbart, Tass, and syndicated radio host Sean Hannity.
When Press Secretary Sean Spicer announced that the questioners would be chosen “at random,” a reporter at the briefing said: “How can you say that the choice is ‘random’ when you’ve already selected those who will ask the questions?”
“Hold on,” Spicer countered. “It’s interesting that you fake news people didn’t make a similar fuss about Bill Clinton’s assertions or George Washington’s “I cannot tell a lie” boast.
“And obviously, you didn’t see that I used air quotes around the word ‘random.’ Besides, the choice of which correspondent asks which question will be random.”
The press secretary revealed other portions of the projected seder and haggadah. “Why is this night different from all other nights?” has been changed to “Why is this administration different from all other administrations?” and the answer lists what the White House considers major accomplishments. “in just two months.”
Anther updated portion of the seder is a parody of “Dyanu.” Among its stanzas: “Had I built the wall between the U.S. and Mexico, Dyanu.”…“Had I built the wall and we had to lay out the money for it, Dyanu.”
The Four Sons” has been changed to “Four Children,” according to Spicer, “because no one has more respect for women than President Trump.” Accordingly, Kelllyanne Conway and Sarah Palin will read the sections relating to two of the children, and Boris Epshteyn and Steve Miller will take the other two parts. Spicer did not specify which reader would recite the part of the wise, rebellious or simple child, or “the one who doesn’t know how to ask.”
The classic “Chad Gadya” will be sung by Trump children, and will center on great real estate deals, beginning with “A depressed building my father bought for 2 million dollars,” and go on from there.
In a tweet referring to the planned seder, President Trump wrote, “Under previous administrations, Passover was a disaster. We’re going to make it great again. Unbelievably great.”
With the afikomen wrapped in gold (as planned). who could argue?
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San Diego Jewish World reminds readers who are new to this column that it is all in fun, and nothing above should be taken seriously. Cohen is a freelance writer based in New York.