March Sadness
By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO−Though overshadowed by the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, the real competition to watch this month is what is going on in Washington, DC. The number one seed, the Trump Travesties, is facing stiffer competition than expected. This makes it difficult for spectators to fill in their brackets as the Travesties strive to win Sweet Sick Wean Trophy. To assist fans in predicting the outcome, here’s some terms and information they need to know.
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Slam Flunk: Though the Travesties are playing on their home court, their coach seems unable to coordinate their efforts. Some of the players feel his game plan is too conservative; whereas others think he has overcommitted his assets. Even if the Travesties win the semi-finals, reporters predict they will lose in the finals unless their coach radically alters his strategy.
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Flagrant Fouls: Flagrant fouls are hurting the Travesties. There is an investigation over whether the Travesties got this far in the tournament because they cheated. One of the referees examining this charge has been overtly partial to the Travesties. Several key players for the Travesties have been sidelined for lying to the referees.
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Full Court Press: The Travesties love the coverage they get when they are winning. When they lose and the press criticizes them, the coach cries foul and threatens to sue for libel. He is angry that the press never mentions that that his opponents recruit players from other countries.
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Travel: If the Travesties lose the tournament, the coach will leave Washington for Florida and his team will stay to be booed. Then he’ll pivot to building new stadiums conducive to his style of play and hiring friendlier refs who won’t ever let him lose again when his team takes the court.
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Fadeaway: If the Travesties blow the advantage they had this season, increasing numbers of their fans may wish that their coach would just fade away.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.