Editor’s note: This is Laurie Baron’s 300th humor column
A Preview of President Trump’s Trip
By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO−Trump assumes he will be warmly welcomed in Saudi Arabia because its leaders are rich repressive autocrats who appoint their sons as successors. He will attend a men-only concert by Toby Keith where he looks forward to engaging in locker room talk with the sheikhs.
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In Israel Trump anticipates Netanyahu will be angry that the United States hasn’t moved its embassy to Jerusalem, but plans to offer Bibi a season of hosting The Apprentice as compensation. Trump will spend 15 minutes at Yad Vashem to pay homage to the generic victims of the Holocaust. Although it has been reported that he had to cancel his visit to Masada because his helicopter would not be permitted to land on the site, the real reason is that he recently learned that the Jews who resisted the Roman siege of the fortress eventually lost.
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When he goes to Rome, Trump will inform Pope Francis that he has nothing to confess and expects an apology from the Pontiff for questioning his Christian faith. The Pope will cooperate if Trump rescinds his nomination of Callista Gingrich as American Ambassador to the Vatican.
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For the NATO meeting in Brussels, Trump has hired Turkish President Erdogan’s bodyguards to threaten to break the legs of NATO leaders whose countries refuse to increase their annual payments to the alliance.
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Instead of returning on Air Force One, Trump will fly on an Aeroflot jetliner and brief Vladimir Putin about the trip.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.