Humoring the headlines: June 27, 2017

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO–The CBO report on the Senate healthcare bill predicts that it will result in twenty-two million Americans eventually losing their health insurance.  In the GOP scramble to make the bill more palatable, Mitch McConnell is exploring the possibility of outsourcing the medical care of seriously ill people to North Korea which excels in low-cost health care for Americans.

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Caving in to the demands of ultra-Orthodox parties, Benjamin Netanyahu has reneged on a promise to create an egalitarian prayer space at the Western Wall.  To appease Diaspora Jews outraged by his decision, he has asked President Trump to build a woman’s wall out of Jerusalem stone and commission Ivanka to operate its concession store featuring designer tallit bags, fashionable full-length dresses, stylish sheitels, and Trump monogrammed taleisim.

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President Trump broke the tradition of the White House hosting an Eid dinner to mark the end of Ramadan.  When Shawn Spicer was asked about this slight to American Muslims, he defensively replied, “I don’t know why they didn’t accept our invitations to celebrate with a breakfast or lunch during the holiday!”

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Missouri’s Senate is considering passing a law that would give employers and landlords the right to discriminate against women who use birth control or have had abortions.  It also plans to mandate the teaching of The Handmaid’s Tale as part of the state’s high-school curriculum.

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The LGBT Parade in Chicago expelled marchers carrying a rainbow flag emblazoned with a Star of David because it made “made people feel unsafe.”  Jewish gay activists suggested that the organizers march in Ramallah next year to see how safe they feel when no Jews are participating.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com   San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.