By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO−Buoyed by his power to override the judicial system when he pardoned Sheriff Joe Arpaio, Donald Trump is considering pardons and actions he can take to help people who merit his intervention. Here’s the list he has compiled.
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Bernie Madoff: He was just doing his job maximizing profits. Investors must assume the responsibility for not looking into what he was selling them. A pox on the Consumer Protection Agency!
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James Alex Field Jr. should not be charged with second degree murder for plowing his car into a crowd to protesters in Charlottesville. He’s a fine person, but a bad driver. After all, they were standing in the middle of the street.
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Deutsche Bank: Return the fine DB had to pay for laundering Russian money. Where else will be I be able to get loans if DB scrutinizes where its deposits come from?
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Michael Flynn: If he gets charged for having undisclosed contacts with the Russians, he will be pardoned. According to my interpretation of Amendment 5.1, I have the right to suppress any testimony that might incriminate me.
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Anthony Weiner: Some men like to grab women; others send them pornographic pictures. When you’re famous, they let you do it.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.