Humoring the headlines: November 16, 2017

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO−Advisors to President Trump have come up with a way that the President can disavow Judge Roy Moore without implicating himself in similar scandals.  He’ll condemn pedophilia as long as it didn’t happen during a Miss Teen USA pageant.

*

Many evangelical pastors defended Judge Moore believing his denial of multiple allegations of sexually harassing teenage girls is true.  They plan to found a new denomination consisting of Suborn Again Christians.

*

President Trump gave a 25 minute speech rating his Asian trip “tremendously successful.” Congressional Democrats responded by petitioning Betsy DeVos to convene a commission to study the problem of grade inflation.

*

As President Trump’s plane left Manila to fly back to the United States, the pilots wondered what the loud sound they heard was.  Radar identified it as the collapse of American power in Asia.

*

Instead of castigating the powerful men who have been charged recently for sexual misconduct, we should be castrating them.  An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

*

Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.