By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO−Since it’s the Holiday season, I’m willing to give President Trump a second chance to honor the Navajo Code Talkers rather than offend them by calling Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas,” but when I imagine what he’d probably say, I fear he’d bungle it again.
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President Trump: “Though I make a point to never utter the words ‘I’m sorry,’ I have asked you back again to this powwow to assure you that I consider you American war heroes (and you weren’t captured like some other so-called war heroes) and that I respect you and your fellow redskins because as you can see, I’m a redskin too. We have so much in common. We own casinos. Next to gold, my favorite color is Navajo white. You have chiefs, and, I am the commander and chief. We both wear headdresses. I feel flattered that in the past you would have treasured my scalp. When I mentioned “Pocahontas,” it was my way of putting my “War-ren paint on,” if you get my drift. Actually, I greatly admire Sacajawea who helped guide Lewis and Clark to all the places the United States would annex to fulfill its manifest destiny. She was such a fine squaw, and I’d never grab her with my paw! You see I can be quite poetic when I try. While you are here, I wanted to learn more about your code. You used smoke signals, didn’t you? You fooled the Japanese who are my economic enemies too. I might enlist you braves again to send encrypted messages to Chief Hacking Putin. Think of today’s meeting as my attempt to break an arrow and smoke a peace pipe with your tribe in the tradition of Andrew Jackson. I promise I won’t ever take away your reservations and medals. I’m no Indian giver!
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.