By Joel H. Cohen
NEW YORK–In one room of the White House, President Trump is practicing how to sneeze aloud, while nearby an aide is ironing half a dozen of the president’s red ties.
The two activities reflect elements of Jewish superstition that Trump has decided to adopt as his own.
“I’ve always loved Jewish beliefs,” he tweeted. “Nobody even comes close to loving them the way I do. BELIEVE ME, NO CONTEST.”
As discussed in a previous column, the president’s red ties very likely serve as his roiteh bendels (red bands), which some believe ward off the Evil Eye.
A sneeze, meanwhile, is believed by the superstitious to mean that what was just said is true. ( emmes genausen). Accordingly, the president was running through a litany along the lines of “Mexico will definitely pay for the Wall” (achoo!)…I’ve got the best White House staff ever assembled (achoo!)…”Lawyers are unbelievably eager to join my staff (achoo!).
There have been reports, thus far unconfirmed, that he would order, or at least recommend to Sarah Huckabee Sanders and other spokespersons that they perfect the sneezing gambit, to lend authenticity to whatever claims they make. For instance, “The White House has no plans whatsoever to replace any of its cabinet secretaries” (achoo!)
(One cruel observer commented that if the belief that, like Pinocchio, a person’s nose gets bigger with every lie, those sneezes could be cosmic.”)
Another popular Jewish superstition that appeals to the president is to add either the words kenaineh horah” or a corrupted version, kennahora), meaning “no Evil Eye” when you’ve complimented someone, lest things take a bad turn. It might be considered the verbal equivalent of “knock on wood.”
So too, do people add the words, “pooh, pooh, pooh” to any compliment just uttered, and thereby divert the Evil Eye. Thus, from now on, when, for example, the president speaks highly of his daughter, Ivanka, it will be along the lines of: “Isn’t she something! Pooh, pooh, pooh.”
Adding the “pooh” trio to a compliment is an outgrowth of an ancient custom of spitting three times after a compliment, to ward off evil. As a devout germaphobe, Trump is unlikely to go that far.
And, not that we’re a perverse people, but “pooh, pooh, pooh” is considered by some Jewish believers to be an equally appropriate phrase to utter after hearing bad news, as well as good.
There are some popular Jewish superstitions that Trump is ignoring. One is the feeling of incompleteness or bad luck if you actually count people, say, who are present for a minyan. So some will put the Jewish word for “not” before the number “Not one,” “not two,” and so on. A fellow congregant of mine counts attendees by baseball positions, and will announce, “We still need a designated hitter.” President Trump rejects adding this superstition to his repertoire because “Everyone who comes to one of my rallies is very, very important, and needs to be recognized, not ignored the way the crooked media does.”
He also considers irrelevant not buying anything for a baby before it’s born. Another is the custom of a person chewing on a piece of thread when, say a button, is being sewn on an item he or she is wearing. A third is the warning not to open an umbrella in the house or risk the likelihood it will rain on your wedding day (the president has had three without reports of inclement weather).
Among Jewish superstitions the president is strongly considering is putting salt in his pocket, again to avert the Evil Eye. Some also believe salt should be placed in corners of one’s home, for extra protection. Accordingly, Trump is ordering the White House kitchen staff to load up on the substance.
Another staple of Jewish superstition, designed to confuse and confound the bad spirit, is to add or change a name of someone ill. (Just wondering: Was Stephanie Clifford a sick child whose family changed her name to Stormy Daniels to evade the Evil One? How’s that working out?).
Maybe subconsciously, the president is operating under the advice dating from the 13thth century in Sefer Hasidim (Book of the Pious):
“One should not believe in superstitions, but still it is best be heedful of them.”
And keep the (monogrammed) tissues handy.
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Readers who are new to freelance writer Joel Cohen’s “Just Kidding” columns are advised that they are satirical and should not be taken seriously.