By Natasha Josefowitz, Ph.D.
LA JOLLA, California — Many of us are overworked, overstressed, overcommitted, overbooked, and often under-appreciated. If you have both a family and a career, you will have two constant companions by your side a good part of your life: guilt and exhaustion. So how are we going to manage our frantic lives?
I wrote the above paragraph thirty years ago when women were beginning to enter the workplace in droves. We have arrived, but it has not improved. We are still as overwhelmed, if not more so; the expectation of instant responses to communications even while away from work has actually made it worse. Technology has upped the ante; it has made some things easier, but it has increased the number of things we are now supposed to know and be responsible for. We are like emergency doctors, always available to answer the ring of our cell phones.
These nine strategies worked thirty years ago; they are still applicable today:
- Schedule time for yourself to think. In fact, I put it on my calendar like I would any date—time to just sit and think, make notes, update my calendar, write a to do list. Thoughtless days are less productive.
- Never say yes to anything or anyone right away. Always say: “Let me think about it” or “Let me consult my calendar and call you back.” Check how long this commitment will take before you agree to take it on. If you don’t say yes to anyone or anything right away, and you end up saying no, you are at least seen as having been thoughtful in considering it.
- You do not have to meet other people’s expectations. You don’t have to be everything to everyone. For years I wanted approval from every insignificant person, then I wondered why do I need their approval? I finally realized that sometimes it’s okay to have someone be disappointed because I said no to a request.
- Not everything worth doing is worth doing well. That may be a new concept for a lot of people, because we’ve been raised that if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well. Some things can be done quickly and don’t have to be done beautifully or perfectly, so one can move on to other things.
- Re-examine your priorities. We were all raised to follow our parents’ priorities, for instance, how much time we should spend on various chores (cleaning the house, etc.). My house is not as clean as my mother’s—never was, never will be—and I don’t care. So rethink what priorities are no longer functioning for you. My mother would have been appalled to know that when good friends drop in, I serve take-out pizza on paper plates in my sweat suit, but it’s ok with me.
- You don’t have to do everything yourself. We tend to forget that we can delegate. Women always think they will do it better themselves, and they’re probably right. Maybe it won’t be done the way you would have done it, but it just might be good enough; we need to downgrade our expectations.
- The seven-step overload reducing plan: (1) What actually needs to be done? (2) How long will it take? Never believe someone else’s estimate of the time it would take to complete the task. (3) Does it need to be done by you alone (or can it be shared)? (4) Does it need to be done perfectly? (5) Does it need to be done now? (6) What would happen if you didn’t do it? (7) What would happen if it didn’t get done?
- Figure out what you can do less of or more of, start or stop. This is my list. Do less of: Agree to volunteer when asked by others. Do more of: Read fiction, not only research for my columns. Start: Meditating on a daily basis, even if for only a short period of time; schedule it on my calendar. Stop: Feeling guilty because I forgot an appointment or forgot to return a phone call.
- And finally, ask yourself what you really enjoy doing. Try to take the time for the things that you like to do because unless you get refueled, you will eventually become depleted, and then you’ll have nothing to give. Most things we like to do take time, not money, and time is the most precious commodity of all. Use it in a way that helps you grow into the person you want to be.
What is on your list?
© Natasha Josefowitz. This article appeared initially in the La Jolla Village News. You may comment to natasha.josefowitz@sdjewishworld.com
Wonderful article full of good advice and no guilt! Thank you!