‘Comedy Shmomedy’ delights, offends at Beth Shalom

Story by Donald H. Harrison; Photos by Shor M. Masori

CHULA VISTA, California – There were at least two good reasons why the Comedy Shmomedy show featuring five stand-up comedians was staged in the social hall of Temple Beth Shalom rather than in its sanctuary.

First, it allowed for table seating and the sale of refreshments which added to the proceeds of the fundraising affair on Saturday evening, June 9.

Second, some of the jokes that were told by the comedians simply didn’t belong in a sanctuary—especially not within less than an hour after the end of Shabbat.

As one might expect in any nightclub setting, a lot of the jokes were “blue” ones dealing with sex and genitalia.

Another joke stunned some members of the predominantly Jewish audience.  Matt Wohlferth, doing a riff on how mean his mother could be, told of being locked in the attic “like Anne Frank — ‘Here’s your diary!'”  Sorry Mr. Wohlferth, Holocaust jokes just aren’t funny.  Let’s make a deal: we won’t dance on the graves of your ancestors, and you pay ours the same respect.

Klieg lights made the stage of the social hall very hot, prompting comedian and emcee Melissa Greenberg to complain more than once “I’m shvitzing up here.” She amped up the complaint, urging attendees all to donate an additional $3 each to the small Conservative synagogue, so it could buy an air conditioning system for the social hall.  The sanctuary is already air conditioned.

Looking over the mixed crowd, Greenberg observed that if you want to see Jews become even more Jewish, watch them when they are hosting non-Jews at their Passover seders.  Suddenly, Hebrew comes rolling off their tongues, and ritual is observed more precisely.  Passover, Purim, and other Jewish holidays have special foods, but as far as Greenberg is concerned foods for Christians—like chocolate Easter bunnies—are far better.  Hamantaschen for Purim are filled with all kinds of things that children like, she noted sarcastically, like poppy seeds, apricots, and prunes.

And what about gefilte fish?  She said it’s like a fish meatball, covered in slime.  “Our food tastes like 3,000 years of oppression and sadness!”

Scott Blumen, an attorney by day, said his family in Brooklyn didn’t follow the laws of kashrut, but sometimes pretended to.  For example, they “used to take pork, pound it hard, and call it veal.”  Furthermore, he said, shrimp didn’t count as non-kosher if it were served on a paper plate.

Older Jews like his parents often retire to Florida where “Happy Hour” comes at 4:30 p.m., and people meet at the pharmacy to compare the costs of medications.

Blumen’s definition of Jewish insanity: “When you read the menu over and over, expecting the prices to change.”

Next up was Abby November, who said she is the product of a mixed marriage.  Both parents are Jewish, but one was from Poland, the other from Lithuania.  She added that she is a member of one of the Ten Lost Tribes of Israel – “the Cellulites.”

Much of her material was blue, so I’ll just retell one of her tamer offerings: she had a reverie about owning a religious erotica shop that she would name “Psalms and Thongs.”  Among other items, she would sell condoms, one brand sized for Goliaths, the other for Davids.

Wohlferth introduced himself as “a visitor – I’m Catholic.”

Getting to a synagogue at 208 Madrona Street in Chula Vista is quite a task, especially if you don’t have a GPS, he suggested.

He pretended to ask someone, “Sir do you know a synagogue in Chula Vista?”  And he mimicked a reply, in a heavy Mexican accent, “Synagogue in Chula Vista?  Are you drinking?”

Remembering Genesis 2, Wohlferth pretended to be bragging to a woman that “We (Men) were God’s first invention. You (Women) were the second.”   But then, thinking about that, he was deflated.  “We’re Human 1.0; you’re 2.0”

The final act, and headliner, was Chris Turner, an Englishman, who after complimenting Americans on their more interesting vocabulary – Americans say ‘cake walk’; folks from Britain say ‘scone on a stroll’ –  provided an example of dry British wit that makes you think the comedian is going to say one thing, but then he says something else.

Like the one about his billiant brother, who has Asperger’s Syndrome.  “If you give him a Rubic’s Cube, it takes him 15 seconds to say thank you.”

Turner also demonstrated, to the delight of the crowd, that he can “rap” about anything.  In one set, he asked the audience to call out different ideas or items, which he then included in a running rap, set to a beat from a boom box.  “… I’ll get my wish/ in my life never tasted a gefilte fish…”

In another set, he asked for audience members to give him objects from their pockets or their purses, and verbal magician that he is, he was able to combine everything offered into a running intelligible set of rhymes.

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Harrison is editor and Masori is staff photogrpaher of San Diego Jewish World.  Harrison may be contacted via donald.harrison@sdjewishworld.com; Masori at shor.masori@sdjewishworld.com