A Civil Sarah Huckabee Sanders Dinner Do-Over
By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO−Given the criticism leveled at the Red Hen Restaurant for refusing to serve Sarah Huckabee Sanders, here’s a more civil way the waiter could have handled it.
SRH: I have reservations under the name Huckabee Sanders. Can we be seated?
W: I have reservations too, but I’ll seat your party anyway. Could I start you with a drink?
SRH: I’m no longer allowed to order mojitos, but I’d love a White Russian. Hold the Kahlua; I don’t want to add the trade deficit with Mexico. Go heavy on the vodka; I’ve got to practice for the upcoming summit. Are there any specials tonight?
W: I haven’t consulted with the chef, so I can’t give you an answer.
SRH: I’ll have a Caesar salad.
W: Of course. Yelling back to the kitchen, “Wouldn’t you know it? Huckabee Sanders wants to honor the memory of an emperor!”
SRH: Do you have any veal dishes?
W: No, we stopped serving veal because we objected to separating calves from their mothers.
SRH: Then I’ll have the sirloin steak, rare.
W: We’re all out of red meat because your boss tossed all of it to his base.
SRH: I’ll have the Southern fried chicken.
W: White meat, I assume?
SRH: Yes. What about desserts?
W: The Baked Alaska is not only tasty, but metaphorical for climate change deniers. If you like, we can put some sweet crude on it too. But you probably have enough crudity at your job.
SRH: Was that meant to be an insult?
W: No, only a statement of fact.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.