By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO-Though he didn’t think it was an urgent matter, President Trump convened the first meeting of intelligence agency officials to discuss what steps could be taken to prevent foreign meddling in the upcoming mid-term elections. A knowledgeable source says that their policy recommendations and his differed sharply.
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Recommendations from the Intelligence Agencies:
1) If the President accepts Vladimir Putin’s invitation to visit Moscow, he should bring a portable replica of a Mar-A-Lago suite there rather than stay in a Russian hotel.
2) The President was warned not to wear any tie clips or wristwatches Michael Cohen has given him.
3) The President was urged to stop retweeting posts from Fancy Bear and Gucifer 2.0.
4) Retarget missiles away from Canada and towards Russia.
5) Appoint Michael McFaul to oversee a cybersecurity election task force.
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Recommendations from the President:
1) Track down and arrest the 400 pound man who hacked the DNC in 2016. It should be easy. We know he is somewhere sitting on a bed.
2) Suspend freedom of the press. If there are no reports of election meddling, then it didn’t happen.
3) Stop illegal immigration. Mexico and other Central American countries are sending their worst to vote for the Democrats.|
4) Cancel the mid-term elections and replace them with a plebiscite on merging the Russian Federation and the United States to provide a great white Christian alternative to China, ISIS, and Iran.
5) Appoint Carter Page to oversee a cybersecurity election taskforce.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally