Flipper, a Fable
By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO−Once upon a time, there lived a pod of whales who ruled the coastal waters of the United States. The obese white whale leading the Pod referred to himself as PODUS. He had the largest round blowhole out of which he constantly spouted grandiose schemes, insults, lies, and polluted water. He promised other white whales he would defend American shores from black Orcas and the gray whales that birthed in the lagoons of Baja, Mexico before swimming north with their calves. He charged this latter group with chain migration. To protect himself from whales of color and ordinary fish, he hired a contingent of sharks to eat or intimidate them. Since PODUS was not monogamous, he employed one shark to conceal his infidelities from his cow and his calves. This shark had been so loyal that he once had claimed he was willing to take a harpoon for his boss. When he could not silence two mermaids from revealing that PODUS had been their sperm whale too, he flipped and disclosed everything to the whale hunter Ishmueller who was intent on impaling the great white whale with the pointed truth or persuading the legislature of the terrestrial invertebrates to imbeach him. The moral of this fable is that if you swim with sharks, you’re going to get bitten in the end.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally