Smear: Bunk about the Whitehouse
By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO−To counter Bob Woodward’s new book Fear: Trump in the White House, members of the Trump administration have published a book challenging Woodward’s accounts of what they allegedly said about the president. Here are some excerpts:
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James Mattis: Since I know the president has more than a first-class understanding of complex issues, I asserted that his intellect is fifth or sixth class. Trump never ordered me to assassinate Bashar al-Assad because he always arranged hits on his enemies through Michael Cohen.
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James Kelly: I never called the president an idiot, but I did tell Woodward that he often spoke in Queens’ idioms. Like all fake news reporters, Woodward just wanted to make the president look bad by altering the last letter of idiom.
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John Dowd: After Trump flawlessly answered all the questions Mueller might pose to him in our mock interview, I told him we should relax and watch some television. I suggested the latest episode of “Orange is the New Black” and Trump quipped, “I hope my orange complexion never turns black.” We had a good laugh and reminisced about Charlottesville.
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Gary Cohn: I did remove a letter about cancelling our trade deal with Korea off his desk because the president wanted me to recycle it. He is so adamant about defending the environment!
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Senior Official in the Trump Administration: There are bright spots that the near-ceaseless negative coverage of the administration fails to capture: effective deregulation, historic tax reform, a more robust military and more. (P.S. If you want to read how dysfunctional the Trump Whitehouse actually is, see my Op-Ed in yesterday’s New York Times.)
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally