One Happy Divorce by Jennifer Hurvitz Weintraub; © 2017 Warren Publishing, ISBN 9781943-258543, 93 pages, $12.95.
By Donald H. Harrison
SAN DIEGO – “One Happy Divorce” sounds like an oxymoron, doesn’t it? Author Jennifer Hurvitz Weintraub wouldn’t argue that hers was pain-free, or that she hasn’t experienced periods of loneliness in the five years since her divorce. But what she is saying is that she and her “ex,” Mark Weintraub, have resisted the urge to bicker and fight in favor of putting their two sons, Jonah and Zac, first. Noting that their two boys were heart-broken by the divorce, Jennifer and Mark agreed to be active co-parents, which meant making decisions that were not necessarily comfortable for themselves but which were in the better interest of their boys.
For example, they decided on a “nesting” plan in which the boys stayed in the family home continuously, while mom and dad took turns living with them. Mark and Jennifer shared, but did not cohabit, a two-bedroom apartment, which one or the other utilized on their away weeks. They felt this arrangement was far less disruptive to the children than having the kids move to one parent’s home for two days, then to the other parent’s home, for the next two days, then to the first parent’s home for the next five days, and then to the second parent’s home for five days, and so on, a schedule that required packing and unpacking the children’s favorite stuff (dolls, teddy bears, laptop computers, etcetera) and disrupting their routines continuously. Rather than put their children through the hassle, Jennifer and Mark decided that they, the parents, should be the ones inconvenienced.
Also, they decided that divorce lawyers are expensive, so they went to a mediator and hammered out an agreement with which they were both satisfied. The money that they didn’t spend on attorneys’ fees was money that they could spend or save for their children.
After a reasonable period, they decided that it was time to live in separate places. Mark, who had a steady income, stayed in the big messy house in which the children were living. Jennifer decided she wanted a smaller, cozier place, where she could keep everything in neat, tidy order, OCD style.
Jennifer, with Mark’s approval, decided to pick the children up at school every day, no matter at which house they were living. In effect, she provided day care while Mark was working. Why did she do this? So, that she could have some time with her children every day. That was something Jennifer wanted.
Whatever were their problems in marriage did not interfere with Jennifer’s and Mark’s relationships as co-parents and friends. Sometimes, Jennifer would go over to Mark’s house to do laundry and tidy up the children’s rooms, again at her volition. Sometimes, Mark would come over to Jennifer’s place to fix a leaky faucet, or solve some other household problem. They helped each other while co-parenting their children.
They get together on special occasions, like the children’s promotions from grade to grade, and even take family pictures, which they believe helps reassure their children that they are indeed part of a family, even if the two parents live in separate quarters.
Nancy and I have been married 50 years, and we continue to go strong. We love each other. Not everyone in our lives has been so lucky. We have family members and friends who have gone through divorces, which have been quite difficult, even painful. Some of the tips in this book, I believe and hope, could be helpful to them.
I mean no disrespect to author Jennifer Hurvitz Weintraub when I say that I, as a grandfather of four, would have preferred she left out the frequent expletives with which she has laced her narrative. Explaining why she cusses so often, she cited a study that indicates that people who use obscenities, generally have higher IQs than those who don’t. They are able to “express” themselves. According to this, my IQ must be low. However, I would posit that we can make our points even more elegantly and successfully without resorting to such language.
This memoir not only discusses the process of divorce; it discusses quite candidly Jennifer’s experiences as a divorcee. She tells of feeling abandoned by married friends. She writes about the pitfalls of dating again. She shares intimate thoughts.
It’s a fast read, and no doubt everyone can find some useful information in this book, even amid some linguistic clutter.
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Harrison is editor of San Diego Jewish World. He may be contacted via donald.harrison@sdjewishworld.com