By Natasha Josefowitz, Ph.D.
LA JOLLA, California — Something was amiss. The next morning the White Sands bus was leaving at 9 a.m. to visit the Carlsbad desalinization plant. I always sign up for such trips and always look forward to new adventures, except this time I didn’t. I don’t feel like going, called a voice in my head. I called Pat, our event coordinator, and asked her whether she thought I could die without ever having seen a desalinization plant. She agreed I did not need to go. I then remembered all those other times recently that I did not go to events I would normally attend. When something was cancelled, I was relieved.
A new desire to stay home more has taken over. I worried that it was a form of laziness. All my life, I have been the type to jump up and do whatever was happening, accept most invitations. I was happy to meet, to help, to take charge of…. Lethargy is taking over.
I do a lot of my reading and writing in a recliner from which I used to easily get up to get something from another room, not any more. Once ensconced, I wonder whether it is worth my while to leave the comfort of my chair; all of a sudden it has become more of an effort. As I started pondering with some misgivings this new slowness in my step and my reluctance to move and to go, I wondered whether my 92 year old body was sending me a signal.
And then…it hit me. I saw a nature program on migratory birds who look for air currents to reduce their need to flap their wings, and I got it. They preserve energy by gliding effortlessly on the breeze, and that is exactly what I am doing: I am saving energy. In other words, doing less is not a negative. I am protecting the smaller amount of energy now available to me, which is a smart thing to do—a positive.
In the past I have frequently been puzzled when there was a great concert or play available for residents to attend with transportation to and from that many chose not to go—preferring to stay home. They were conserving energy, which, by the evening, was often getting depleted. Many of my friends prefer afternoon programs, because they still have some energy left then, which I now understand.
It is strange how giving a label to a behavior makes it more understandable and, therefore, more acceptable. So no, I am not lazy or unfriendly; I am just preserving energy. I have to prioritize more now. What do I want to spend time on? I am becoming more discriminating as to which events are worth the extra effort.
This is particularly challenging for me because I have an insatiable curiosity about the latest scientific and medical breakthroughs. There are symposiums and discussion groups, talks and videos—all interesting and worthwhile—on topics I would love to learn more about. Sometimes it feels like a bottomless pit: the more I know and learn, the more there is to know and learn. But now it has become perfectly acceptable for me not to attend all events.
It is not only about the amazing world of concerts, lectures, and desalination-plant tours. It is also about the people who want to take me out for lunch or dinner, who are having birthdays, who got an extra ticket to…. My life could be totally filled up with friends and friends of friends who all do fun stuff together. How do I refuse? I always feel special when I am invited; however, I need to create some down time between events.
The other issue is when to say no to a request to attend someone’s fundraising event, for an interview, or to give a talk. I always feel honored when someone wants me, but there are too many demands on my time. So unless it’s a friend asking for a favor, the answer is “Sorry, I simply can’t.”
We teach best what we need to learn! So, I am writing this to give my readers (and myself) a new perspective on the limited energy they have and how to prioritize allotting it. Be judicious in new ways. It is okay to say, “No. Thank you for asking, but…I am conserving energy.” I am being energy efficient.
(c) Natasha Josefowtiz. This article appeared initially in the La Jolla Village News. You may comment to natasha.josefowitz@sdjewishworld.com