Married crew members court, live aboard cruise ships

Editor’s Note: This is the 39th in a series of stories researched during Don and Nancy Harrison’s 50th Wedding Anniversary cruise from Sydney, Australia, to San Diego.  Previous installments of the series, which runs every Thursday, may be found by tapping the number of the installment: 1, 2, 3,  4, 5, 6, 7,8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13,
14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26,
27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38

By Donald H. Harrison

AT SEA, Aboard MS Maasdam – Charisma Mercado, a Filipina wine attendant who works in the main Rotterdam dining room, and Nurjanah Marija, an Indonesian waitress who serves in the ship’s Canaletto Restaurant,  both fell in love with their respective husbands while working with them on Holland America cruise ships.

Mercado said that during her first contract with the company, she was transferred from the Volendam to the Maasdam, where she became aware of another crew member in the beverage department. “I didn’t know that he liked me, but every day he would pass me by” at the coffee and wine bar today known as the Exploration Café.  “I thought perhaps he was visiting someone at the Front Office.  One day he came over to me and started flirting, but I had a boyfriend back home.  I said I wasn’t available.”

That might have been the end of it, but after she completed her contract and returned to Manila, she and her boyfriend broke up.  Learning of this, the other crew member started sending her flowers, “so I knew he was serious.  And he tried to phone me from the ship, which was very expensive.  I thought ‘He is really spending money on me.’”

As fate would have it, Mercado’s next contract was again on the Maasdam, where Jose also had been assigned.  They began to spend time together.  Their contracts were not for the same lengths, so he went back to the Philippines while she remained on the ship.  Unbeknownst to Charisma, Jose asked permission from her father to marry her.  Her father responded, “My daughter is old enough, so you will have to ask her if she wants to marry you, but it is okay with me.”

One day, when Mercado called home, her father said to her, “Oh, you are getting married!” to which she responded, “To whom?”   Jose hadn’t asked her yet.

Subsequently, they went together to a shop in in St. Thomas, Virgin Islands, where a lady gave her a paper bag with something inside.  Back on the ship, in crew quarters, Jose retrieved the bag, fished out the ring, went down on one knee, and proposed.  Mercado agreed immediately, but their engagement lasted for two years – partly because of the difference in the time frames of their contracts.  While Jose remained on a ship,  Mercado was back in the Philippines, where “I did all the preparations for the wedding with my mother in law.” Eventually, the couple had their dream church wedding.

That was 14 years ago.  When Mercado and her husband are assigned to the same ship, they hope that there will be another married couple among the crew members.  If there is, then they can arrange it so there is one couple per cabin.  If there is not another married couple, and often there is not, they will have to live in separate cabins— Charisma with another woman, Jose with another man, which, as one can imagine, can be pretty frustrating for a married couple.

Nurjanah Marija, a newlywed,  said her husband currently works as an administrator aboard another Holland America ship, but that they too met while working together on the same ship.  “He came aboard at a time when I had almost finished my contract, and we had a chit chat together, and dinner, and then he said, ‘I really like you.’  I said, ‘Oh, do you want to marry me?’ and he said he did.”  Before long, her future husband came to her parents’ home in Jakarta to make arrangements with her parents for their Muslim wedding.

While she is on the Maasdam this year, he will be on the Oosterdam.  “We will be separated this year, which is not good, but it is okay,” Marija told me.  “I will meet him in January and will continue to live with my family in the meantime.”

Holland America is very respectful of the religious practices of both its passengers and crew.  I wondered what kind of schedule Marija works, and how she was able to deal with Ramadan, the 30-day Muslim holy period when the faithful fast during the day and eat only at night.

She responded that she generally begins work in the Canaletto Restaurant at 11:30 a.m. and stays there through 4 p.m.  She has a half hour break until 4:30 p.m. and then works until 11 p.m.   She said that whereas she could go to sleep and wake up before dawn in order to have a sanctioned meal during Ramadan, “It is hard to wake up at 2 a.m. “Instead, she said, “I will eat at 11:30 p.m … my first and last meal that day.”  Rather than go to sleep on a full stomach, she typically will watch a movie in her cabin after work.

Marija said that late Thursday evenings, Muslim crew members will pray together, and then have dinner together, an opportunity for communal fellowship that she appreciates.

Both chose lives at sea because they were attracted by the chance to visit parts of the world they never otherwise would be able to travel to.  They both calculated that working aboard a cruise ship was more financially advantageous than working at a land-based hotel or restaurant.  This is because Holland America pays higher wages than such establishments do in the Philippines and Indonesia, and additionally because crew members don’t have to pay for their food or lodging.  Thus, they can send home most of their paychecks, helping their families.

Both women said Hawaii is among their favorite ports because it reminds them of their island homes.   And both said eventually they will return to their home countries to concentrate on domestic life.  Mercado and Jose already has a son, who is living with her parents while she is away.   Marija and her husband don’t have children yet, but she dreams of someday having a home and a grocery store in his village at the southern end of the island of Java.  Her parents operated a grocery store in Jakarta, and in her view having a home and business side-by-side would be ideal.

One of the hallmarks of Holland America Lines is that whatever crew member you might meet has a ready smile.  I asked if sometimes it is hard to smile.  Mercado responded, “Of course, everyone has their problems, but when you are going to work, you should just leave it in your cabin, and when you get back there, you can fix it.”  While on duty, she said, “treat your guests as family; that is how you can give your best.”

Marija’s said that her experience in Indonesia was that people tended to be more reserved and not in the custom of saying “Hi” to everyone they meet.  On the ship, the practice is quite the reverse.  “Other people are really friendly.  They say, ‘Hi, how are you!’ and everyone is really nice.”  If someone she did not know had greeted her like that before, she said, “I would have been really scared!”  However, she added, friendliness is contagious!

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Harrison is editor of San Diego Jewish World.  He may be contacted via donald.harrison@sdjewishworld.com