A Pet-tition to the Rabbis of Elad
By Elona Baron (as told to Laurie Baron)
SAN DIEGO−While lying on the rug in my owner’s room, I glanced at his computer and noticed a news story about the ultra-orthodox rabbis of Elad issuing the following edict:
“We have heard and have seen that lately, a serious phenomenon has spread in our city Elad, in which young boys and children walk around publicly with dogs. This is strictly forbidden, as explained in the Talmud and by the Rambam, anyone raising a dog is accursed and especially in our city where many women and children are afraid of dogs,”
When I was in the rescue shelter, I was given the Hebrew name Elona. The couple that adopted me is Jewish. If they ever make Aliyah, I want to be welcome in the land I refer to as Canine.
God created dogs and they resided with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. After the exile from Eden, dogs could still go naked. It wasn’t our fault Adam and Eve got expelled. The snake tempted them. On Noah’s Ark, we didn’t bother the other animals though we ate the dove when it flew back with an olive leaf. 40 days and nights is a long time to go without kibble.
The Hebrew name for dog sounds like “celeb.” Although I believe that it is the root of the word “celebrity,” dogs weren’t popular among the ancient Israelites. Today’s Jews forget that we helped their ancestors escape from Egypt. Exodus: 11:7 records that when God killed the first born sons of the Egyptians, “not a dog snarled at any of the Israelites, at man or beast—in order that everyone knew that the Lord made a distinction between Egypt and Israel.” Out of gratitude, Exodus 22:30 commanded the Israelites to feed dogs flesh torn from domesticated animals by wild beasts. Dogs still celebrate the holiday Rollover in remembrance of falling down in front of the Egyptian soldiers to slow them down. Perhaps that is the reason why matzah tastes like dog biscuits.
I understand that Jews remember how their persecutors have used dogs to attack them in the past. I don’t condone that behavior but realize those dogs were just following orders. On the other paw, dogs have protected and loved their Jewish owners for centuries. Tel Aviv is regarded as one of the most dog-friendly cities in the world.
The rabbis of Elad have condemned dogs for barking and scaring people. That’s speciesism! Barking is how we communicate. Don’t they realize how frightening Hebrew and Yiddish sound to us? We aspire to be the best friend of our Israeli owners, though someone named Trump contends that he is. Let me assure the rabbis of Elad: we only chase rabbits not rabbis.
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Elona resides with Bonnie and Laurie Baron. The latter is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.
Elona is committed to writing more columns.
Bonnie sent out some cute pictures of the latest member of your family. My brother emailed me to tell me how much he liked this article. He knows I much prefer the company of four legged ones to two legged ones.