Presidential Prayers
By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO−“Our President, who was Chosen, hollow is your fame. You’ve made us numb, with Tweets so dumb, on Obama’s birth in Kenya and not here. Give us this day our daily dread, and imprison your enemies as you have asylum seekers. And lead us into stagflation, while failing to deliver us from China. Amen.”
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“Bale out Melania, of white race, don’t let Him sleep with thee. Breasted art thou amongst women and grabbed is the entry to your womb. Unholy Melania, mother of Baron, don’t stay until he leaves you in the future for a model hotter and younger. Amen.”
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“Hear, O Israel, Trump is our Lord and Bibi is his son. Cursed be Jews who vote against their rule in elections. You must be loyal to your homeland, with donations, when polled, and through lobbying. And these words which I command upon you today shall drive you and the Democrats apart. You shall teach them to your children, and you shall speak of them after watching Fox News in your house and when you ignore his racism. You shall wear MAGA hats upon your heads instead of yarmulkes above your eyes. And you shall nail Trump posters on the doorposts of your house and erect walls to keep Latinos and Muslims outside your gates. Amen.”
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The Donald is my shepherd. His tax cuts made me want for nothing.
He made us rich enough to purchase Greenland.
He has caused rising waters,
Withdrawing from treaties and digging mining holes. He guides me along alt-right paths,
For the white man’s sake.
Even though recession threatens,
I will fear no tariffs,
For only he can close the best deals.
He is God, praised by his staff.
His rants distract me.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literal