SOLANA BEACH, California — Please don’t misinterpret the following statement: I am sorry to see my bad dates series, “Near Missus,” come to an end. It’s been such fun for me to share these snippets of misaligned matches with you, and I have to say, I was not prepared for the responses and reactions. So, to each of you who responded or commented, a hearty” thank you.” If you didn’t reply but had a personal epiphany, or some memory jogged, I wish you’d let me know! I don’t foresee any more installments in the future, as I think eight times bitten, eternally shy, but I’m still drawing breath, so who knows? I never say “Never.”
Now, you might think there’d be some gender agreement. You know, say a woman would respond similarly to other women, and men to other men. Not so! By and large, men didn’t care for my stories and found them offensive. However, according to some comments, men appreciated the awkwardness and candor. I want to be clear. I wasn’t maligning any of these gentlemen…after all, I own full responsibility for having accepted the date and acquiescing to things beyond my comfort zone, riding on a motorcycle for example.
I think it’s also germane to note that this collection was written a while back, and shortly after my divorce. Today, I don’t think I’d necessarily respond quite the same way, but…we’re all (relatively) young once, right?
Huge gratitude to my editor, Don Harrison, for running this series, as it allowed me to share my stories and glean some new insights! And so, without further ado, I’d like to share some of the responses with you. I don’t want to expose the commentators without their express permission so I will provide initials and indicate whether it was a male (m) or female (f) who wrote to me.
One common thread that surprised me was how many readers wanted to know what happened after the date, or more precisely, how the date ended. Whilst writing, I guess that was a foregone conclusion. Few of these resulted in a second date. In nearly every situation it didn’t take a rocket scientist or brain surgeon to determine that there was no chemistry! And I never even took Chemistry! (Thank G-d it wasn’t a requirement at Mamaroneck High back in the day.)
After the first installment, I received a few comments. Most were positive and one reader was actually quite impressed with Ron. “Man, this guy was really organized! He planned a whole picnic AND a home-cooked dinner!” CF (m). The second installment was met with much disdain for the hapless Marc. “Ugh…men are totally overrated.” SM (f) and “Oh, Marc is such a creep. What did you have for lunch?” LJR (f). Another…”They say you have to kiss 100 frogs. In this case, a REAL frog would have been better.” DS (f).
A barrage of comments came out of the Hard Hat Bill piece. I was rebuked by several readers. “Promise me, you’ll never EVER go to a strange man’s house in Santee again!” Only one reader couched her response more gently and said, “You’re brave.” After the General and his Troops, one reader responded, “Now I understand why you’ve given up on dating!” MB (f)
A supportive commentator wrote, “Need more bad dates. Please hurry!” MF (f) and another enthusiast bade me “Get out there and have more dates, so we can read more stories!” MB (m).
Thanks for reading me, and chiming in with all comments. Even though I’m retaining my wallflower status, a wise young reader in Israel wrote, “You know, for every one of these guys, there is a woman out there who is right for them. Some women like oily food, some like oily hair, others are impressed with men who are impressed with themselves.” She is probably right, but for now, I’m just happy to be the one that got away.
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Eva Trieger is a freelance writer based in Solana Beach, California. She may be contacted via eva.trieger@sdjewishworld.com For those of you who missed the stories, and now are curious to read them, here are links.
#1 Suave … to a point
#2 The Hotel and Spa Magnate
#3 Terrence a.k.a M.B.
#4 Hard Hat Bill
#5 The General and His Troops
#6 Hey Big Spender
#7 The Dude
#8 The Rabbi and the Rails