Crimigrants and FUgees
SAN DIEGO−On Saturday the cruise ship Celebration brought 1,500 Bahamians displaced by Dorian to Florida. On Sunday 130 Bahamian refugees taking a ferry to Florida had to disembark because they didn’t have an American visa. On Monday President Trump told reporters: “I don’t want to allow people that weren’t supposed to be in the Bahamas to come into the United States, including some very bad people and some very bad gang members and some very, very bad drug dealers.” The seeds of his 2020 stump speech have been planted. Here’s our forecast of what he’ll say.
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“We must guard not only against an invasion from Mexico and Central America, but also from the Caribbean islands. After all, the islands of the Caribbean aren’t sending their best weather. Instead, they’re spinning off hurricanes to devastate Red States. That’s why I warned Alabama that it would be hit by Dorian. The devious Caribbean leaders adopted my idea of bombing hurricanes to direct Dorian along the Atlantic coast and make me look bad.
“These so-called refugees from the Bahamas are bad hombres. They are diseased, homeless, indigent, and malnourished, all preexisting conditions for criminality. The claim that they were traumatized is a lie. They are really zombies, and, we all know zombies originally came from Haiti, (shortened from Hate Whitey to conceal its plot to replace real Americans). I’m sure these Bahamians were recruited by Rastafarians to smuggle weed and dope.
“They are likely to become public charges. The ones on the cruise ship were allowed to land in Florida because they could afford ocean-view cabins with balconies and golf clubs. The people on the ferry were lowlifes looking for free food, housing, and medical care. They don’t even know how to speak English; they speak Bahamian.
“There’s no promise of safe haven in Florida. It is a stand your ground state against intruders. When I’m elected to my second term, I’m going to order Stephen Miller to draft executive orders to remove the plaque on the Statue of Liberty and bulldoze the monument for the Trump Liberty Island Resort Hotel where UN delegates will be required to stay.”
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.