My First High Collie Days
By Elona Baron as told to Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO−This is the first time I am residing with a Jewish family that celebrates what I think is called the High Collie Days. I’m not exactly sure what that entails, but I want to fit in. Tomorrow night is Sleek Coat, and, I definitely have one. People recite prayers and readings about forgiveness. I might skip it because I haven’t attacked any dogs, bit any humans, or scared any people in the past year.
A week later Jews welcome the New Year and blow a ram’s horn. I’m hoping that the congregation makes that ceremony relevant to me by blowing a dog whistle too. There’s still a lot of talk about forgiveness since humans hurt each other far more often than dogs harm humans. Although my owners probably won’t bring me to the lake to toss their sins into it, I plan to put kibble in my water bowl or in the toilet just in case I forgot a sin I have committed.
For me the most relevant ritual is Kapparot performed on the eve of Yom Kippur. I relish the idea of swinging a chicken (or preferably a rabbit) by its neck until it is dead and then eating it. Is this preceded by a hunt? At least then I’ll have a valid reason to ask either the chicken or the rabbit for forgiveness.
I cannot fast on Yom Kippur. If I don’t get my two bowls of kibble and wet food a day, I’ll get ornery and scratch someone. My atonement for my Kapparot victim will be wearing a Victorian collar. I believe the term atonement is similar to the canine custom of abonement, the reward of a bone after a long day of baying. Round foods are traditionally served for Rosh Hashanah and at the Break Fast dinner for Yom Kippur. Order some cheese balls for me that I can play with them prior to consuming them. May you all have your tags inscribed in the book of life!
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Elona resides with Bonnie and Laurie Baron. The latter is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.
Very cute.