What President Trump really was saying about Syria
SAN DIEGO−The government of Turkey has informed my administration that they would be stopping their offensive in Syria, and making the ceasefire permanent. And it will indeed be permanent until Turkey expands further in Syria.
I have instructed the Secretary of the Treasury to lift all sanctions imposed in response to Turkey’s original offensive moves against the Kurds in Syria’s northeast border region as a precedent for when I lift all the sanctions against Russia.
This was an outcome created by me alone. I prefer that other countries annex trouble spots where US troops are stationed so they can be dispatched to paying customers like Saudi Arabia.
We’ve secured the oil, and, therefore, a small number of U.S. troops will remain in the area where they have the oil. Black crude matters.
We have achieved a stable and ethnically cleansed zone between Turkey and Syria. Turkey, Syria, and all forms of the Kurds, have been fighting for centuries. Let them duke it out.
I want to thank Vice President Pence and Secretary of State Pompeo for their obsequiousness in going along with my rash decision.
ISIS is under strict lock and key like Hillary Clinton and James Comey should be. A few got out, but Europe will just have to absorb some terrorist attacks to validate my leadership.
Should Turkey fail to honor its obligations, including the protection of religious and ethnic minorities, I will threaten it with sanctions but do nothing because I’m all bluster. Did I mention the DOW is still doing great?
American forces defeated 100 percent of the ISIS caliphate during the last two years even though the Kurds did most of the fighting and suffered most of the casualties.
How many Americans must die in the Middle East in the midst of these ancient sectarian and tribal conflicts? That’s why I negotiated the treaty that means appeasement in our time.
Eight long years after President Obama’s ill-fated push at regime change, U.S. troops are still on the ground in Syria. More than half a million people are dead, hundreds of thousands are injured, and millions of Syrians are displaced. What did you expect from a Kenyan traitor?
The same people pushing for these wars are often the ones demanding America open its doors to unlimited migration from war-torn regions, importing the terrorism and the threat of terrorism right to our own shores. I’ve resolved that by letting the terrorists escape to Europe.
As a candidate for President, I made clear that we needed a more isolationist foreign policy. Look how that worked out when we didn’t approve the Treaty of Versailles or join the League of Nations.
We are building up America’s military might like never before, investing $2.5 trillion since my election. But we will not be depleted. And we certainly don’t want to waste that money by squandering it on education, healthcare or infrastructure.
I want to again thank everyone on the American team who helped achieve the ceasefire in Syria, saved so many lives, along with President Erdoğan of Turkey — a man whose repressiveness I admire. He has an open invitation to join me and Putin in a round of golf at any of my courses.
We saved tens of thousands of Kurds from dying in Syria so they could be relocated and die elsewhere.
The job of our military is not to police the world, but to make it safe for investment and exploiting its natural resources.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.