SAN DIEGO−President Trump attended the 5th game of the World Series. He refused to toss out the first pitch. The fans booed him and chanted lock him up. Here’s the backstory of what happened.
Trump did not want to go to the game in the first place. Latinos constitute 30% of the Nationals’ roster and 40% of the Astro’s. The Nationals have a Latino manager. Trump is exploring legislation to deny green cards or revoke the citizenship of players from Latin America. This would take us back to good old days when most baseball players were whites with American sounding names like Joe Dimaggio and Hank Greenberg. Besides, it isn’t safe to let Latinos near American fans when they are throwing projectiles and wielding bats. Some of these players may have come from Cuba or Venezuela.
Trump worried about throwing out the first pitch. It might hurt his reputation of closing deals rather than making the first pitch. He’d have to wear a mitt, and he hates that name. He only knows how to cheat at golf not baseball.
When he was booed, Trump pretended he was at one of his campaign rallies and had just mentioned Hillary Clinton. In his mind, the crowd was shouting, “Lock her up.” When he watched this later on ESPN, he felt they doctored the footage to make him look bad. Perhaps ESPN stands for Elitist Socialist Party Network. It must be complicit with the deep teams of professional sports out to overthrow him whether it is by football players kneeling during the national anthem, the women’s soccer team refusing to visit the White House, or the NBA undermining trade negotiations with China by criticizing China’s suppression of the Hong Kong protests. In his second term, he hopes to ban all sports except NASCAR and the PGA.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.