NEW YORK — At first, it may seem a bit of a stretch, but President Trump can trace the blossoming of what he calls “my incredible deal-making ability” to a childhood meeting with Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, the late, revered leader of worldwide Lubavatcher Chassidim.
It was the widely known custom of the “Rebbe” (Trump insists it’s a misspelling) to invite dozens of men, women and children to his headquarters in Brooklyn on Sunday afternoons, counsel them and urge them to help others, and then give each a crisp new dollar bill. The message accompanying the bill: give it or an equivalent or greater amount to charity.
One Sunday many years ago, Donald Trump, then about 7 or 8 years old, accompanied his father to the Rebbe’s quarters, and the visit left an indelible impression on the future chief executive.
“Obama or crooked Hillary never met with the Rebbe,” Trump commented recently. “He was probably in Kenya.”
As to the Rebbe himself, “He seemed like a decent guy, but a little soft-hearted for my taste.”
The money was a another story.”Just having that dollar bill from the Rebbe made me realize that, when you have what people want, or think you have, you’ve got control of the deal. Even with other kids back then, I was able to get two, three or four dollars for what they thought was the Rebbe’s single dollar and maybe its magical power. One rich kid even paid me ten dollars of his Bar Mitzvah money for a bill he thought was the one that had come from the Rebbe.
“Another kid complained that the bill was creased, but when I explained it had been used to help somebody, he quit complaining and bought it from me.
“As I grew up, I applied those principles to my big-time dealings. For instance, when I applied for a gigantic bank loan, I convinced people I had more assets than I really did; but when it came to paying taxes, I showed a lot less than I had.
“As for having what people wanted…the U.S. Congress passed a bill to give hundreds of thousands of dollars of military aid to Ukraine, which I knew they wanted badly. So I asked them for a political favor before I’d release that money. Of course, the phony witch-hunting press and nutty Nancy Pelosi are all over me for that ,but, who cares? There was no quid pro quo, and my phone conversation with the head Ukraine guy was perfect.”
“Over the years, I’ve learned a lot of lessons about how to deal with people who want something I’ve got. Want work? I automatically cut 15 percent off the agreed-to price for poor workmanship. Who are they gonna believe? And if there are undocumented workers involved, they’re not gonna say a word.”
“That day at the Rebbe’s gave me another idea All the men and boys who were there wore head coverings, some had on those funny little hats with the name of a Japanese motorcycle –Yarmulka. I’m thinking of producing them for my reeleciton campaign with the motto, “Make America Even Greater,” but they’d have to be bigger.
“In any case, the Rebbe wanted to make a better world…well, it already is, for me.”
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Readers unfamiliar with Joel Cohen’s ‘Just Kidding’ columns are advised that they are satirical, and nothing therein should be taken seriously.