If dogs could vote

By Elona Baron as told to Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO−100 years ago American women received the right to vote.  I think it is time to consider canine suffrage.  For those who scoff at the idea of letting a domesticated animal with limited intelligence vote, consider that nearly 63,000,000 US citizens voted for the Golden Deceiver to be president, a man who has never read the Constitution or anything but his clippings as far as I can tell.  Behind the backs of our owners, we howl with laughter that so many people elected such a buffoon.  He deserves to be in the impeachment doghouse!

If dogs voted, interviewers from the Rover Center for Public Opinion Research would be following me around during my walks and asking me about which presidential candidate I preferred, especially if I lived in Iowa or New Hampshire.  I’ve heard from Joe Biden’s dog Major that his main qualification is that he used to walk Obama’s dogs Bo and Sunny.  I identify with how he sniffs the hair of those he meets, but how old is he in dog years?

I’d like to pose the same question to Bernie Sanders.  On the other paw, I like that both he and Elizabeth Warren support Peticare for All including spaying.  I believe in a bitch’s right to choose as well, but I hope Peticare doesn’t pay for euthanizing.  If Joe and Bernie are too old, Pete Buttigieg strikes me as too much of a puppy to be president, but perhaps his judgment is sound since he owns two dogs.  Although he is doing well in Iowa, he doesn’t even register in double digits in the national polls.  It’s a rule of thumb (or should I say dewclaw) that like every dog, the eventual winner of the primaries will need to have four digits.

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Elona resides with Bonnie and Laurie Baron. The latter is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.