In New York he always attracts negative attention. In Florida his skin blends in with the oranges.
His 2020 slogan will be: After draining the swamp in Washington, I’ll tackle the Everglades. You never know, there might be coal or oil underneath that disgusting muddy water.
He wants to live closer to Trump National Doral because he is confident that the G7 nations will reject his present choice for holding their next meeting in vacant factories in Detroit.
Florida does not have a state income tax. This will save his accountants a lot of time currently spent on finding loopholes to avoid paying New York’s income tax.
He admires alligators and crocodiles because they never say they’re sorry when they rip their enemies to shreds.
No female manatee ever accused her molester of sexual harassment.
Moving to a state that is often struck by hurricanes demonstrates that he really doesn’t believe in global warming.
Just in case global warming is true, he plans to buy large tracts of inland Miami because eventually they will become beachfront properties.
If you have to live among Latinos, at least most Cuban immigrants are anti-communists.
This should guarantee that Florida will no longer be a swing state, except when he’s out golfing on his courses there.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.
His 2020 slogan will be: After draining the swamp in Washington, I’ll tackle the Everglades.
Very clever.