SAN DIEGO−A leak has disclosed the House Republican talking points for the impeachment inquiry. They are: “The July 25 call summary shows no conditionality or evidence of pressure;” “President Zelensky and President Trump have both said there was no pressure on the call;” “The Ukrainian government was not aware of a hold on U.S. security assistance at the time of the July 25 call;” “President Trump met with President Zelensky and U.S. security assistance flowed to Ukraine in September 2019 without Ukraine investigating President Trump’s political rivals.”
My anonymous sources indicate that these talking points were issued only after the House Republicans rejected the talking points President Trump had suggested they raise during the impeachment hearings. Here’s the copy I was furnished.
1) The transcript of the July 25th call is perfect because I am perfect. If you imply that I may have done something wrong or if you vote for impeachment, your primary or general election campaigns will have imperfect outcomes, or as we say in American, “This for that.”
2) President Zelensky has not acknowledged that I put any pressure put on him. And I never will because it is sufficient that he knows how I regard flippers and that I’m quite willing to let Russia annex all of Ukraine so the United States doesn’t have to squander money there.
3) The Ukrainians never believed I would withhold their humanitarian and military aid since that was contrary to congressional approval of it and the Departments of State and Defense policy. How could Zelensky anticipate my demands? After all, this was before I withdrew American troops from Syria, allowed Turkey to occupy a buffer zone in Syria, abandoned the Kurds, and outsourced America’s presence in Syria to Assad, Iran, Russia, and Turkey.
4) In September I met with Zelensky even though Ukraine had not opened investigations into Hunter or Joe Biden and the Ukrainian plot to get Hillary Clinton elected in 2016. Whenever you question a witness during the impeachment inquiry, repeatedly mention the Bidens and Ukraine’s interference in the 2016 elections. I never acted on the hid pro quo I claim I never made. That would be like charging me with sexual assault based on my comments in the Access Hollywood video even though I did not molest any women during the program.
If any of these arguments are challenged by disloyal Democrats, accuse them of disseminating fake news and remind them of my Article Two right “to do whatever I want as President.”
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.