Parasha Chayei Sarah
SAN DIEGO — Last year, when writing about this week’s Torah portion, I shared two very contemporary lessons I saw then – never give up hope and be in control, emotionally, when dealing with oneself and with others. One year later, one year older, these lessons are even more valuable.
Who doesn’t want to stay young while growing older in years? The Torah is telling us that with faith in Hashem, all things work out in the end. After all, Sarah had a child at age 100 and Abraham lived to 175 years old. The Torah reminds us that Sarah was 127 when she died (Genesis 23:1). Of course, we wisely also utilize what science tells us about possible ways to reduce diseases like dementia, to add life to our years, and years to our lives. More on that another time.
Why would we ever give up on hope though? All we need do is pause, consider the gift, the lesson, of Chayei Sarah, and never give up believing EWOP = everything works out perfectly. As a couple, Abraham and Sarah together faced pain, obstacles and challenges. Their emunah was painfully tested and what do they teach us? “Kol mah d’avid Rachmana l’tova oseh…” Whatever Hashem does is for the good. Sarah and Abraham believed and responded “l’tovah,” to whatever happened in their lives. They taught us to accept the bitter to get to the sweet.
A famed Harvard University study found that the following personality characteristics relate to happiness in aging:
- A future orientation and the ability to plan positively (“I figure if I can do this when I’m 85, I’ll be doing pretty well.”)
- The capacity for both gratitude and forgiveness
- The ability to see the world through the eyes of another
- The desire to do things with, and for, people
Does this not sound like Abraham and Sarah? Their accomplishments demonstrated the centrality of mindset, of attitude, of never giving up hope, and that age is never to be considered an obstacle to continued achievement, to worthwhile contribution and to be in the flow, fully engaged in the world. The Torah tells us that “…Abraham was old, advanced in days….” (Bereishit 24:1), referring to the effect that every day of his life left on him. In fact, the Zohar (1, 224a) teaches that “advanced in days” means that Abraham used every day of his life in the service of Hashem. His life was not defined by his body’s age, but by what his soul experienced.
Abraham is described as zakein, or well advanced in years. Zakein is an acronym for “zeh shekaneh chachma” – a person who has acquired wisdom. From the Talmud we learn that “the righteous are called living even after death.” This week’s parasha illuminates this point in the title, focusing on Sarah’s life, not her death.
One interpretation of this word, zakein, refers to a person who is wise and reasons with wisdom and good sense. This is emotional intelligence, not simply one’s chronological age. Eliezer teaches us this week about being emotionally intelligent by showing us the value of a) knowing ourselves, b) how to control our emotions, c) how to read others and d) how to respond to others for the good.
Imagine if Sarah and Abraham gave up hope. And imagine how much more positive our own lives will be by bringing emotional sensitivity to others, of course firmly anchored in our deep trust in Hashem, IY’H, to 120 years.
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Dr. Mantell writes a d’var Torah each week for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family worship.