Why we should honor Jacob’s example

Parasha Vayishlach

By Michael Mantell, PhD

Dr. Michael Mantell
For Shabbat, Dec. 14, 2019

SAN DIEGO — Thank you, Jacob. For what, you may well ask. For teaching us the value of never missing an opportunity in life to do good, to say a kind word, to recognize that the present is all we have. Jacob, in a simple act, showed us to avoid the “someday” mindset, and instead shows us how important it is to never overlook the now, especially when it comes to offering a kind word, or a gift of kindness to another.

In 1988, I wrote a book, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff PS: It’s All Small Stuff. Jacob teaches us the value of, perhaps not sweating, but paying attention to, being mindful of, the small stuff. Let’s take a look and see this lesson in more detail

Hashem directs Jacob to return to his home. Jacob continues to have fear that Esau, his brother with whom he has had a long history of strife, jealousy, and more, will attempt to murder him. With that concern spreading to the welfare of his family, he cleverly divides his family into two camps…and then we learn that Jacob spent the night alone. Well, not quite alone. Recall that Jacob wrestled all night with “a Man,” an angel. Why didn’t Jacob go with his family if he was so concerned about their safety?

In the Talmud, in Chulin 91, we learn, R’ Elazar: “And Jacob remained alone” – he remained to take small flasks. It seems that R’ Elazar is teaching that Jacob returned across the river because he forgot some small flasks. But didn’t he have a bit more on his mind than to sweat returning to get some seemingly insignificant small flasks? Perhaps Jacob wasn’t thinking of himself. Perhaps Jacob was showing us the importance of considering others. Perhaps Jacob sensed these small flasks may have been important to someone in his family. And he shows us the value of acting now, not later, for perhaps he was concerned there may be no later. If you want to know what’s really important to you, look at how you spend your now.

Jacob, our father, our teacher, offers us a remarkably important lesson. Kindness, expressed now, is the key to a successful life. Should I tell him what a good friend he is? Should I tell her how nice she looks today? Should I offer to help the other person? Should I offer to buy that stranger standing behind me on line at the coffee shop, a cup of coffee?  Should I go back across the river for some seemingly invaluable small flasks?

Jacob teaches us a simple answer. Yes. Now.

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Dr. Mantell writes a d’var Torah each week for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family worship.