A dog’s advice about coronavirus

CDC-Canines Defy Coronavirus

By Elona Baron as told to Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO−Other dogs in the neighborhood have been asking me what precautions they should take to avoid catching the coronavirus.  That is why I have formed the Canines Defy Coronavirus (CDC) taskforce.  Here are its first recommendations:

Run, poop, and pee in your backyard. Don’t take walks around the block. You never know if the dogs you meet have traveled on planes or in cars to or from faraway places.  Resist any attempts by your owner to take you on a plane whether in the cargo hold or the cabin.  Chew up those phony service dog vests they put on you to fool the TSA to bring you aboard.

If you are still going on walks, don’t sniff butts. If you can’t resist the anal amity only a butt sniff can provide, then wash your nose with Purinarell when you return home.

To avoid sniffing butts during walks, growl and bare your teeth at other dogs and owners so they maintain a safe social distance. This is also an effective prophylactic measure against getting bitten or scratched by those dogs.

Until the end of this health crisis, all dog parks should be closed. I know this could reduce your owner’s prospects of meeting a potential partner, but why should he or she benefit just because dogs are cute?

Do not discriminate against Pekingese, Chow Chows, Shih Tzus, and Shar Peis just because their breeds originated in China. Remember they immigrated here because they didn’t want to get eaten. Only the Golden Deceiver thinks in those breedist categories.

As I write this column, I don’t even know if dogs can be infected by the coronavirus.  Perhaps it is only humans.  If this pandemic wipes out their entire species, then I’ll finally be able to direct the movie I have been dreaming of making, Planet of the Dogs.

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Elona resides with Bonnie and Laurie Baron. The latter is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.