Now it’s the five questions of Passover

 

By Jerry Klinger

BOYNTON BEACH, Florida  — In these days of the coronavirus pandemic, we now ask five questions at our Passover seders.

Shebb’khol hallelot anu okh’lin ḥamets umatsa, vehallayla hazze kullo matsa?

Q: Why is it that on all other nights during the year we eat either leavened bread or matza, but on this night we eat only matza?

A: Because Matzah has been fire burned into sterilized almost inedible cardboard. No question, it will be free of Coronavirus. Who knows about delicious bread, with the soft golden crust, sweet and tender?

Shebb’khol hallelot anu okh’lin sh’ar y’rakot, vehallayla hazze maror?

Q: Why is it that on all other nights we eat all kinds of vegetables, but on this night we eat bitter herbs?

A: Of course, we eat only bitter herbs. No baseball, basketball, no movies, no entertainments, no life, nothing but board games at home. We can’t go out. We can’t safely visit friends – they could be infected. We can’t do nothing. Of course our lives are bitter.

Shebb’khol hallelot en anu matbillin afillu pa’am eḥat, vehallayla hazze sh’tei fe’amim.

Q: Why is it that on all other nights we do not dip [our food] even once, but on this night, we dip them twice?

A: Jews are not stupid. We dip twice. The first dip is into a medicinal, edible disinfectant. The second into salt water just to be safe. The rabbis are debating if a third time is required by halachah.  A teshuvah is pending.

Shebb’khol hallelot anu okh’lin ben yosh’vin uven m’subbin, vehallayla hazze kullanu m’subbin.

Q: Why is it that on all other nights we dine either sitting upright or reclining, but on this night we all recline?

A:Nobody in their right mind wants to sit next to someone reclining at the seder table. They must be sick with coronavirus. They can’t even sit up straight.

 Q: What the hell are we doing here? None of us have been tested for Coronavirus yet at the Walmart Drive thru? We could give each other the Virus!

A: OY Gevalt! Kene HaRah, Pfue-Pfue, Baruch Hashem.

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Jerry Klinger, president of the Jewish American Society for Historic Preservation, is also an author and freelance writer. Watch for his forthcoming book: Boynton Beach Memoirs: Tails of Norman.