The chutzpah of the contrarian child

By Rabbi Dr. Michael Leo Samuel

Rabbi Dr. Michael Leo Samuel

CHULA VISTA, California — When we read in the Haggadah about the Four Children, one wise, one “wicked,” one simple, and one who is too young to ask questions, it is the “wicked,” son, whom I preferably identify as “the contrarian child.” His question cuts to the essence of the holiday: “What does this holiday mean to you?” The contrarian son’s honesty is refreshingly different from the other sons at the seder.

There is a place in Judaism for healthy questioning of tradition. Yet, I also believe that the power of faith provides us with a lens for how we see and interpret the world around us.  Although the contrarian child asks arguably the best question of the Passover seder, he still thinks of himself as an “outsider.” The challenge for the wise father or mother is to help him feel that he too is an important part of the family and the Jewish community.

The contrarian child characterizes the kind of adolescent rebellion we know all too well with our children. Adolescent rebellion is how our young people discover their personal identity. This discovery occurs through asking brazen and cynical questions about the meaning of faith. Thinkers like Sartre and Camus probably acted like the contrarian child when they were young. Although they come from the non-religious tradition, the atheists and agnostics probably are more like the ancient biblical prophets in that they confront our inconsistencies and lack of spiritual authenticity.

Yes, the contrarian children of the world have a place in God’s community.

What do we teach our contrarian child? How do we answer his questions about the significance of the Exodus? Each year we have to always begin by asking ourselves: As a parent, what does the Exodus mean to me? If we can be honest with ourselves, our rebellious children will respect honesty and authenticity. Perhaps our answer will prod the young man or woman to seriously investigate the meaning of one’s faith. Admitting that we are constantly searching for truth is the best way to make a religious tradition meaningful to the age of rebellion.

And this year, this seder was very different from previous Seders. Asked in a more contemporary tone, your children could consider this relevant question:  “What does the Exodus mean to us living in post-coronavirus world?”  Whenever bad things happen to good people, we find our faith in a personal God challenged. As the deaths of thousands occur with the spread of the coronavirus pandemic, people of faith find themselves scrambling for answers.

Are we not like the Israelites who huddled in their homes, practicing social-distancing, not knowing if the coronavirus might strike us or someone we know and love? That interpretation will stir the religious conscience of your children. As the holiday of Passover nears completion, we find ourselves struck by the incongruity of it all. It is one thing to read about the ten plagues. It is quite another to personally experience them.

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Rabbi Dr. Michael Leo Samuel is spiritual leader of Temple Beth Shalom in Chula Vista, California.  He may be contacted via michael.samuel@sdjewishworld.com