SAN DIEGO−You pretend that you’re washing your hands for 20 seconds, but only do it for 15.
You’re starting to have sexual fantasies about Angela Merkel.
You actually enjoy binging on reality TV shows.
You have forgotten how much a gallon of gas costs.
You regard your trips to the grocery as tourism.
You’re baking so much that you have blueberry muffins for breakfast, turkey sandwiches on banana bread for lunch, and, shepherd’s pie in a graham cracker crust topped with whipped cream for dinner.
When you converse with people from six feet away, you expect a delay between when their lips move and when you hear their voices like on Zoom.
You wear your face mask to bed.
Empty Amazon delivery boxes are piled so high and wide in your driveway that there’s not enough room to park your car there.
You have nightmares about running out of toilet paper, paper towels, sanitary wipes, and Lysol spray.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.