By Joel H. Cohen
NEW YORK — The reality was very controversial — President Trump’s decision to visit a prominent Washington, D.C. church and pose for a photo outside it, holding a Bible (upside down.).
Among controversial factors — use of a religious object as a photo prop, and the fact that officials of the church had never been consulted or even informed about the president’s projected visit. Also, peaceful demonstrators had been cleared out of the area from the White House to the church, so the president could march with aides to the church and pose for a photo.
He was ridiculed for holding the Bible upside down and then for not giving a direct response when asked to name a favorite Biblical excerpt. (“I don’t want to get into that,” he replied. “The Bible to me is very special.”)
There was blistering criticism from retired generals who had been highly placed members of Trump’s inner circle, chairmen of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, about the president’s seeming violation of the U.S. Constitution for using federal troops against private citizens.
But this and other criticism notwithstanding, it’s not that much of a leap (of faith?) to believe that the president thought the concept deserved being taken on the road.
So it’s not that much of a stretch to imagine some Trumpian plan for exploitation. extending the concept to other religions, starting with Judaism.
“Wonderful American citizens are delighted that they finally have a president who is a man of faith,” he said, “Way more, for sure, than Crooked Hillary, Obama with his phony singing of “Amazing Race,” or Sleepy Joe.”
Consequently, we can envision Trump’s determination to expand his plan, starting with his just-announced nationwide “Bible-to-synagogues” campaign, in which he – or a trusted representative, will hold the Hebrew bible (chumash) outside of synagogues across the U.S. as part of a “make-the Jewish religion great again.”
He added, “Not many people know there are five books of Moses, but I’ve been able to gather them in one volume. It’s good to be king, I mean president.’
(Cynics commented that since Hebrew is written right to left, there would be less chance of Trump holding the Hebrew bible backwards or upside down.)
Declaring “I would have made an outstanding, incredible Sunday School teacher, but I was destined for a higher calling,” Trump announced a nationwide Bible contest for Jewish youngsters, due for completion by his 74th birthday on June 14.
Hebrew School students, competing in various age categories,will be asked to write compositions titled, “My favorite Bible story — and how it relates to the great Trump administration.” Answers may be submitted by email or tweets.
The president warned he would not tolerate anyone who “tried to sneak into a younger age group to try winning the contest. I hate lies and the people who tell them more than anything or anyone.”
Prizes for the contest winners have not yet been determined, but a visit to the White House is believed to be a favorite among ideas being considered.
The president said he was naming Vice President Mike Pence — “who, everyone knows, is a very pious person” — to head the project, and appear at synagogues when the president is unable to.. Others on the special commission are Attorney General William Barr, Education Secretary Betsy DeVos (“a spectacular educator”), and three Jewish officials –Traesury Secretary Steven Mnuchin, Steve “Killer” Miller, my adviser and speech-writer, and son-in-law Jared Kushner.
Because, the president said, “Even I can’t be everywhere at once.” he’s asking these trusted aides to fill in for him when necessary. And he’s asked them to appoint rabbis of various denominations as judges of the contest.
Trump said he would gladly be known as the religious president, who made the country devout again, and commented, in response to suggestions he never opened the Bible: “I don’t have to; I know the stories by heart. And I’m a big believer, a very big believer in knowing other religions.”
He said he knew his appearance at synagogues would attract crowds, which, ha added, some synagogues “can very well use.”
He added, “I’m a big believer, a very big believer, in knowing other cultures and religions. So it’s a great day for all Americas, a giant step toward making religions greater than ever.”
Just one question: What ever happened to the principle of “separation of shul and state”?
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Readers unfamiliar with Joel Cohen’s “Just Kidding” columns are assured they are satire and should not be taken seriously.