Tune: Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover
SAN DIEGO — In my last column Melania sang to her husband that there were fifty ways to leave the White House. I assumed that a reasonable adult wouldn’t want to divide the country and delay the transition for Biden to prepare to become president. Of course, Donald Trump isn’t reasonable and delights in dividing the country. So here is his half of the duet.
The issue is simply that I don’t want to leave.
I’m not a loser so I don’t know how to grieve.
I’m sure I’ll find something up my sleeve.
There must be shifty ways to stay in power.
I will file lots of litigation.
Who cares if Covid is spreading through the nation?
I’ll claim Joe won by illegal machinations
These are my shifty ways to stay in power.
Shifty ways to stay in power!
Investigate, Bill.
Tell Joe to wait, chill!
Charge fraud and you’ll see.
Go to the courts, sue!
If all else fails, coup!
I won’t ever be through.
‘Til they’ll elect me.
In January I’ll still be the president.
No eviction for this White House resident.
By then my victory will be so evident.
These are my shifty ways to stay in power
Shifty ways to stay in power.
Investigate, Bill!
Tell Joe to wait, chill!
Charge fraud and you’ll see.
Go to the courts, sue!
If all else fails, coup!
I won’t ever be through.
‘Til they elect me.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.