SAN DIEGO — Every year the president of the United States awards the Medal of Freedom to people who have made “an especially meritorious contribution to the security or national interests of the United States, world peace, cultural or other significant public or private endeavors.”
Honoring that tradition, President Trump is conferring this honor on Devin Nunes for “unearthing the crime of the century [the Russian hoax]” and “thwarting a plot to take down a sitting United States president.” Adhering to Trump’s elastic interpretation of what constitutes a “meritorious contribution” to the above criteria, I expect the following to be named as recipients of the Medal in the coming days.
–Ghislaine Noelle Marion Maxwell for her tireless efforts to promote sex education among teenage girls.
–Jared Kushner for studying all the diplomatic, economic, and judicial issues that his father-in-law didn’t want to spend time learning about or resolving.
–Alex Jones for protecting the planet from the infiltration of alien Lizard People.
–Dr. Scott Atlas for his campaign to democratize the spread of Covid-19 so everyone will have the opportunity to contract it.
–Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton for demonstrating that elections are never over until your rivals are exhausted by voting fraud lawsuits. |
–Harvey Weinstein for lechery so excessive it made the comments on the Hollywood Access tape seem innocuous by comparison.
*
Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.
Pingback: Satire: The Medal of Free-Dumb - Purnam Health