By Natasha Josefowitz, ACSW, Ph.D.
LA JOLLA, California — As we emerge from a year in isolation, we are suddenly thrust into situations we used to take for granted: proximity to others and opportunities to mingle, participate, contribute, to hear and be heard. But we have changed; we are not the same people as of a year ago. The changes in ourselves can be psychological, mental, physical, or fear-related. We must choose whether to accept this and reconcile ourselves to our new identity or to recover who we were.
Let’s start with the psychological dilemmas. Should I push myself to attend theaters, concerts, museums, and movies when they resume? I used to go to these events with pleasure and anticipation. Or should I stay home? That is what I would rather do now. In other words, since the pandemic, I have become less interested in outside activities.
The positive part of going is that I stay connected to my culture. If I decide to stay home, the upside is that I am cured of the disease called ATMS (afraid to miss something) or, as they refer to it today, FOMO (fear of missing out). I am content to stay home to read and write. The downsides are that I become out of touch and withdrawn and lose out on some wonderful experiences.
Could depression be a factor? If it is depression, one is home, sad; if it is not depression, one is home, happy. So the dilemma is whether to fight the tendency to be a casanier (French word derived from the word casa, meaning a happy, stay-at-home person) or to indulge myself and honor my increasing years and my aging body with its less available energy (I’m in my mid-nineties), and to reward my decades of activity with the well-earned right to rest. It doesn’t have to be either-or, one could do some things, but just be more discriminating.
The physical dilemma is whether to exercise or take a walk versus staying comfortably in my recliner. This time the push is critical for my health. When the motivation is low, I still exercise and walk, although not as much as previously. I feel there is no real choice as the consequence of not doing it may be a wheelchair in my future.
The third dilemma has to do with mental health. Should I seek out brain-stimulating opportunities: listen to a Ted Talk, attend classes, be a committee or board member, belong to a book club? Again, I prefer to stay put, but I make myself get involved. I have always lived on a learning curve and still have the curiosity to learn more—yet it is with difficulty that I pull myself out of my chair and accept invitations.
The last dilemma may only be transitory. It is about fear: not going anywhere due to the possibility of encountering a new variant of COVID-19 or being next to an unvaccinated person. Friends have asked me to join them going to a restaurant or to a dinner party; so far, I have refused. At what point will I feel safe? We will have to wait and see. I have 60- and 70-year-old friends who say they are going through the same phenomena: reassessing their lives and wishing for less activity and fewer demands.
The above may hold true for the older segment of the population, but there is also the younger generation who cannot wait to get out, to be with others in close proximity without masks, and start living again. They are less prone to the fear factor. Having been cooped up for a year, they are bursting with unused energy and eager to get out and go.
It is interesting that having lived a year in isolation has given some people the experience of pleasure and contentment of doing less while others have experienced anxiety and depression. For adolescents what is missing is socializing with peers, an important factor in identity formation and gaining independence from parents. For older people what is missing is seeing family members, which increases feelings of loneliness and contributes to health problems.
The trend of people preferring to work at home will impact construction, commuting, office rentals, restaurants, stores, travel, and countless other factors that we have taken for granted. It will be a new way of living.
We have to all stick around to see what happens next. I will be sure to write about it.
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© Natasha Josefowitz. This article appeared initially in the La Jolla Village News. You may comment to natasha.josefowitz@sdjewishworld.com