By Laurie Baron, Ph.D
SAN DIEGO — Tucker Carlson’s outlandish conspiracy theories have earned him the highest ratings for a cable news commentator. After he heard about Medina Spirit’s disqualification from winning the Kentucky Derby for using the drug betamethasone, here’s what we imagine could be the advance text of his editorial on this matter.
“Is Medina Spirit merely the unwitting victim of a cheating trainer? I think not. I can’t help but wonder why the governor of a deeply red state like Kentucky is a Democrat. Beshear’s victory in 2018 was a harbinger of how Biden would steal the election in 2020 and led to the fraudulent outcome of the Kentucky Derby.”
“How can we ignore that Medina Spirit is named after the city that provided refuge to Muhammed and served as a launching pad for Islam’s attempted conquest of the world? How could a horse with such a Jihadist name prevail over one with the patriotic moniker Hot Rod Charlie whose owner obviously admires NASCAR?”
“Medina Spirit is black. No white horse has ever won the Kentucky Derby. Perhaps it is because the American Recovery Plan subsidizes owners not to enter white horses if they fear their animals will contract Covid-19 standing in close proximity to other horses in the stables.
“The FBI discovered traces of a white powder in Medina Spirit’s feedbag. There already were rumors that Medina Spirit had been consorting with mules, a euphemism for Latinx drug smugglers who have been the primary beneficiaries of Biden’s rescinding of Trump’s asylum and immigration policies. Further proof: Medina Spirit’s jockey is Puerto Rican.
“I must conclude that the Kentucky Derby was rigged. The starting gate and finish line were monitored by Dominion Voting Systems. The race should be rerun. Only police horses that submit proof of Anglo-Saxon ancestry rather than Arabian lineage will be allowed to compete. To guarantee racing integrity, Cyber Ninjas will administer the event.”
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.