On a Dog’s Post-COVID Life

By Elona Baron as told to Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO — I have been receiving many Barks (the dog equivalent to Tweets) from curious dogs (cats don’t have a monopoly on curiosity!) who wonder why I haven’t written a column since December.  Like my human companions, I have been confined at home except for my daily walks. Now that we can return to a semblance of normality, here’s how my life will be different.

First of all, I’m fully vaccinated (for rabies and distemper).

I won’t have to lick my paws for twenty seconds.  Actually, this was the least onerous of the Covid-19 guidelines since I enjoy licking my paws and fur for protracted periods.

Butt sniffing is back; so is humping legs.  No more social or sexual distancing.

When I go to the vet, my humans can accompany me inside the office.  This is important since I often forget the vet’s instructions, particularly when it involves swallowing large pills or wearing Victorian collars.

I liked it at first that my humans stayed at home so much, but they got to be a bother.  How many times can you fetch a ball before it gets boring?  I had expected they would vary my activities and buy me the book Where’s Fido? so I could find the concealed runaway.

I’m hoping that my humans wash me less frequently.  I don’t know if they just needed something to do or whether they thought I might be carrying the virus on my coat, but they did it so much that I feared I would end up having bald spots.

I’m going to join the protests against attacking Chow Chows and Shar Peis just because they’re from China.

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Elona resides with Bonnie and Laurie Baron. The latter is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.