By Laurie Baron, Ph.D
SAN DIEGO — Virgin Galactic succeeded in launching its owner Richard Branson into a sub-orbit to demonstrate the potential for future space tourism. Immediately thereafter, many corporations filed papers to open businesses in space to serve the anticipated spate of rich people who already consider themselves out of this world and plan to flaunt their space vacations at cocktail parties. You can expect to see these advertisements for the following enterprises soon.
Space B and B: Once Virgin Galactic puts you in orbit, you’re going to need a place to stay that’s less cramped than the International Space Station, which, let’s face it, is government housing. We’ve built artificial asteroids as platforms for pressurized and beautifully furnished yurts, zero gravity golf courses where you can drive a ball to infinity and beyond, gourmet freeze dried meals, and nightclub life as wild as the Cantina in Star Wars.
Amazon Space Prime: Our founder Jeff Bezos scouted out space 10 days following Branson’s trip to map out orbits for a fleet of communication satellites to handle smart phone and computer orders for 24 hour deliveries to Space B and B dwellings. If you need something while floating above the earth, order from Amazon Space Prime because there’s no law against monopolies in space.
Closer to the Stars Bucks: Wherever you are circling the earth, you’ll only be five minutes away from a next Closer to the Stars Bucks coffee satellite. Beware the price per cup will be as high as your altitude. Feel free to toss the cups and straws out of your airlock.
Peloton: Without gravity, you’ll get flabby without exercise. If you want to fit into your clothes when you return to earth, then you better rent a Peloton for your yurt. Our instructors will be firmly planted on terra firma, so you’ll be able to spin more effortlessly than them because you’re weightless and also spinning around the planet.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.