By Laurie Baron, Ph.D
SAN DIEGO — As I said last night, I recognize I lost the battle, but am confident I’ll win the war. Indeed, I have signed up with the Proud Boys, who are as color blind as I am, for boot camp. Paraphrasing the NRA, “The only thing that stops a bad progressive with a ballot is a good guy with a gun.”
Nevertheless, I still suspect that I was the victim of election fraud. I will emulate the brave example of Arizona and hire a prestigious voting recount company, the Digital Dojo, which is even more skilled at ferreting out election irregularities than the Cyber Ninjas. It will be tasked to examine the following allegations:
The “no” received 64 percent of the votes, but Newsom received 62 percent in his 2018 gubernatorial victory. How could he gain votes after denying citizens their constitutional right to contract COVID-19 and setting wildfires in northern California with Jewish space lasers?
Women voted against me by a 2 to 1 margin. Aside from the fact that the 19th amendment should be repealed, remember what I think about the political acumen of women: “Women know less than men about political issues, economics, and current events which gives Democrats an edge over Republicans because the less one knows, the easier the manipulation.”
Eighty seven percent of the voters in San Francisco County voted no in the recall. Thirty percent of the County’s population is of Chinese ancestry. What country do you think they take their orders from? I’m certain that the Digital Dojo will find that the ballots used there were composed of rice paper.
Many California counties employ Dominion Election System machines. The definition of dominion is sovereignty or control which raises the obvious question whose sovereignty or control does the company want? A doubly unimpeachable authority like Donald Trump has declared that Dominion is owned by the communist regime in Venezuela.
California’s big cities are cesspools of coddled racial minorities, homeless bums, sexual perverts, and violent criminals. Sure, they voted overwhelmingly no, but the good white folk of the central valley and the north voted for me. I had over 40 percent of the yes vote. If this state were run like a true republic, then the Senate filibuster rule would prevail, and my supporters could veto Gavin’s co-conspirators.
To reiterate my concession speech, I won’t divide voters by race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, or religion, but only by their party affiliation, immigration status, and region of residence.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.
This is priceless….